Anne with an e- a new version of the story

Chapter 78 - Heart doubts

ANNE 

 Anne tucked a long strand of red hair behind her ear and looked at Gilbert, who kept watching her. Even though he was her fiancé, she still sometimes blushed when he looked at her. It was something she hated, because she shouldn't feel uncomfortable about her appearance anymore, since she had learned to accept her hair color, finding ways and hairstyles to enhance it, nor did she care about the freckles that covered every pale spot on her face. 

She didn't have large breasts, but they were well-made, and she had also gained some curves that made her body look attractive. Thinking from that angle, the whole ensemble wasn't bad at all, but when Gilbert looked at her like that, her old doubts about her appearance resurfaced, as if she felt insecure and feared that he would end up seeing some flaw that would make him look at her differently, and she had to admit that without Gilbert's admiring gaze on her, it would leave her devastated.

 She didn't care if other people called her a carrot, a freckled redhead or a skinny orphan, but any thought of Gilbert that wasn't favorable to her made her feel awful. It was ridiculous to think that her looks still made her feel vulnerable at times, but even though Gilbert said he thought she was beautiful all the time, Anne wondered if after a while he would still think so? Living in New York, where there were such beautiful women, wouldn't he feel like trying something different? Anne was no fool, and she could see how French girls looked at him, and she wasn't blind to not see that the more mature Gilbert became, the more attractive he became, and she couldn't hide him in her closet and only take him out on her wedding day. 

 That jealousy was eating her up inside, making her see and feel things that her imagination loved to create, but this time it was to torment her and not to help her escape her misfortunes, and Anne hated that she still felt that way, but what could she do? She trusted Gilbert, but she also knew that people could change, start to see life in different ways, and couldn't Gilbert, being a country boy with so many opportunities around him, change too? No, she couldn't believe that Gilbert was so fickle that he would forget everything they had experienced together. He himself had told her that she was the other half of his heart, and that was why they would never live apart. Anne shook her head. What was she thinking? Gilbert loved her and that was all that mattered.

 - Is something wrong, my love? - Gilbert asked when he noticed her lost look. They were sitting in a bistro in Paris, drinking tea and eating chocolate donuts. It was their last day in the French capital, so they decided to go out and see the city for the last time. 

 - No, I was just thinking. -Anne tried to smile, but without much success.

- You look sad. Don't you want to tell me what's got you down? - Gilbert asked, placing his hand on Anne's, which was resting on the table where they were sitting.

 - I was just thinking that I'm going to miss this place, and all the moments we spent together. Paris is magical, don't you think? - She looked at him with her eyes shining sadly. 

 - Yes, I loved living it all with you, but don't you miss Green Gables, and all our friends? - Gilbert intertwined his fingers in hers. 

 - Of course I do. I can't wait to see Matthew, Marilla and Diana, but it's just that I keep thinking that all this time here in Paris we've been able to live free without ties, and we've been so happy.- Anne lowered her head and bit the corner of her lip, feeling depressed, and she didn't understand why she was feeling this way

 - But we're also happy in Avonlea. Why are you telling me this, Anne? Something's going on, and you don't want to tell me. Come on, open up to me, don't take refuge inside yourself. That won't do you any good. - Gilbert looked worried now, and Anne felt angry with herself for making him feel that way .