Tempting /A Jordan Knight fanfic ✔️

52

Chapter 52: Run

Almost a year later, and it was still too soon to see him.

He was twenty feet away, but it felt like he was breathing right down my neck.

Jordan's focus was on another woman as he gestured to a series of photographs in front of them. The older woman leaned closer and said something to him. A smile broke effortlessly across his face and my knees trembled.

I can't do this.

I escaped back around to face my group, my nerves playing my lungs like an accordion. The wide eyes of my friends and sister were on me as I looked to all of them in a quick sweep.

"Should we keep moving then?"

Gabe's blanched expression dragged my focus to him.

"Excuse me? You're not gonna go talk to him?"

"Uh, no. He ignored my calls and texts. Pretty clear message that he doesn't want to talk to me."

"But you want to talk to him. I know you do."

"Gabe," I scolded under my breath, trying to keep our conversation under hushed tones and away from my sister's ears.

"No." Gabe's denial was soft spoken at first, but the fight in his eyes rose, and his determination fanned out bright and strong. "No, Amber." He gave a furtive glance to Mel. I'm sorry, but no. I know you're worried about her, but I'm worried about you. You haven't been the same since you moved back. You zone out all the time when we're hanging out, and you're quieter than you've ever been."

"Okay, but that has nothing to do with Jordan."

Gabe's face openly creased in sympathy, and I just knew whatever he was about to say next would undermine my case.

"Babe, sometimes you fall asleep on the couch during movie night, and you say his name in your sleep."

Oof. Low blow.

Mel's eyes were on me, but I didn't have the gull to look at her. We'd made so much progress, and I wasn't about to screw it up now by admitting in front of her that I was still head over heels in love with the man that tore us apart.

"At least go talk to him so you can get some closure. You need closure."

I laughed without humor, dropping my eyes and ran my hand back through my hair.

"You don't get it."

"I don't get what?"

"That there is no closure with him," I snapped, my stare flying back up to his. "There's only all or nothing."

He and I had done this dance before, and the end result was always going to be the same. There was no getting closure with Jordan because my heart would always be open to him. There was no 'being friends' for us either.

We were lovers or a memory. There was nothing in between.

"Okay, fuck this."

Mel's abrupt curse pulled the groups attention to her, her eyes waiting for me.

"Do you still love him?"

Her question slapped any coherent words straight from my brain and I froze. My lips parted, but she cut me off with a quick warning.

"And remember, you promised you'd never lie to me again."

She was right. I did promise that, but how could I honestly answer this question and not be right back where I was a year ago? I couldn't go back there. I couldn't lose her again.