Beautiful

Not enough

Chris POV

It's been a month since andies attack, Noah was arrested a week ago, he is being held until his trial. Andie hasn't said much, she stays in her room, only leaves if she has too. She hasn't been outside in so long and I'm lost at what to do. So today I asked my mum to come round and see if she could talk to her, maybe try and find out what's going on in her head. I know she hasn't been sleeping, so she must be exhausted. I just need to somehow help her.

"Hey Ma" I greet my mother as she comes through the door.
"Hey sweetie"
We make our way to the kitchen and I make her some coffee.
"Where's Andie?"
"In her room. It's where she stays. I'm worried mum"
"I'll finish this and go and see if she will talk to me okay"
"Thanks Ma"

Once she has finished her coffee she makes her way to andies room with a plate of snacks and a cup of peppermint tea. I'm hoping this will do some good, she needs to talk to someone and I'm okay if that's not me but it has to be someone.

Andie POV

I hear a gentle knock on my door, I know it's not Chris because he is a little more heavy handed.
I hear a voice "Andie it's Lisa can I come in?"
"Yeah" I try to say back without sounding weak but it's not successful.
She comes in and sits down next to me on the bed. She hands me a mug, I smell it and it's peppermint my favourite. She then places a small plate on my side table. With my favourite snacks, I'm guessing Chris did that.

"Hi sweetie, how are you feeling?"
"I'm ok. Still a bit sore"
"And mentally?"
She looks at me, knowing I will probably lie. So I decide it might be better to be honest.
"Not great. Honestly, I don't sleep. I can't. I see him every time I close my eyes and I'm reminded what he did. What he took from me"
"I can't imagine what you have been through Andie. What your still going through. But you survived, he is going to jail for a long time. But staying in here. That's letting him win and I know you don't want that"

I shake my head as the tears fall "i just feel so broken Lisa"
"I know honey, he hurt you"
"It's not that. The physical stuff I was used too. But this time he took away something that was more important to me then anything else in this world."
"Children?"
I nod "I've always wanted to be a mum, always. I wanted to be the mum my mum never was. I wanted to make sure my kids would know what love was. And now......now I'm never going to get that chance"

She wraps her arms around me and holds me close as I finally break down. My tears falling fast and thick.
"And now I'm going to lose chris too"
"Why would you think that?"
"Because.....he wants kids Lisa and now I can't give that to him"
"Oh sweetheart, he wouldn't leave you because of that. There are more ways to have children and I know your dream was to carry them but you can still be a mum Andie. Chris loves you so much. More then anyone I have ever seen him with. He isn't going anywhere honey"

I can't believe that, I'm not what he wants. I'm
Broken and a mess and I'm can't give him the one thing he wants in this life. He will reject me, he will realise I'm no good. I'm nothing. I'm no one. I'm nothing. I'm no one.
I continue to repeat those words to myself, inside my head just as Noah had said them to me before he stabbed me and left me for dead.