Chapter 5: UNDESIRED NOSTALGIA

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Looking back at those moments of us together made me wonder how it would have ended if I never left them in the first place. Would they have succeeded in becoming who they are right now..? Of course, they would they are talented. They work on it every day giving their full effort to give their best in every audition opportunity they receive back in those days. they have been looked down on and bullied for their looks and appearance on stage by other bands, singers, rappers dancers but they never once give up. 

I remember Joonie wears sunglasses since he was insecure about his eyes because of how others would comment on his small eyes and they even picked on Ho-seok for his jaw shape which he used to cover his face with a mask. Every member of the group went through a lot back in those days. Looking back at it makes me furious because I couldn't do anything to protect them but I only sat beside them and comforted them whenever they needed a shoulder to lean on. I used to be a part of the team but never participated in the dance or vocals because I only write and sing for leisure and I used to sing it to them whenever I wrote a new song. 

Reminiscing all those good days brings tears to my eyes but my heart shatters in pieces knowing I couldn't do anything but leave so that they stay united to achieve their dreams without any heartbreaks among them. Although it was partially my fault, I didn't want them to be broken apart because of their dream to be the most successful boy band in South Korea which was the reason why I left without thinking twice. But I'm sure they would have acted up for the few days after I left them on that night, but I'm also certain that Namjoon would have calmed them down and helped them to overcome the situation together. 

We spent our childhood together, growing up in the same neighborhood, going to school together and sometimes we'll have sleepovers at Seok-Jin's home

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We spent our childhood together, growing up in the same neighborhood, going to school together and sometimes we'll have sleepovers at Seok-Jin's home. His dad was one of the richest businessmen in Seoul who owns multiple mobile phone companies and holds a big share in the industry hence we got ourselves lucky as his father was very down to earth towards all of us. 

Jungkook, Ho-Seok, Namjoon, Taeyung, Yoongi, Jimin, Jin, and I used to spend most of our time in the garden and sometimes in the studio practice room which was prepared by Jin's father knowing they wanted to be singers and musicians in the future. Mostly I wrote songs and we used to sing them together as Namjoon plays the guitar and Kookie would sometimes be my dance partner.

All of our faces were filled with an abundance of joy and happiness back then.  These good memories hit really hard when the thoughts run through my head. I sniffed while my eyes are still closed but a few drops of tears escaped from my eyes and rolls down my cheeks. I wipe it away quickly hoping Jimin wouldn't notice but he saw that and he turned over his body sideways and gently holds my hand which I was resting on my lap.

Jimin:  Hey... what's wrong...? he whispers

Renee: I... I... I'm just thinking about the boys. I'm sure they are still mad at me right? I asked as my voice cracked while tears still rolled down from my eyes.

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