Her Astronaut

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As night blanketed the city, the lights from downtown shined like twinkling stars. Bright enough that there was still energy emanating encouraging all to stay awake longer.

Miles away from the noisy hub of celebration and bad decisions was a quiet suburb.

Although the city center was still abuzz with energy, the homes of this neighborhood were covered in darkness with the exception of the soft street lamps and occasional security light. In this sleepy culdesac, all the homes were fast asleep except one.

In those early morning hours way before dawn, a car made its way down the residential street. This rideshare quietly pulled up to the last home in order to let an exhausted passenger get out. Grabbing her luggage and other belongings, she did one last look before silently waving to the driver in thanks. As quickly as the car arrived, it disappeared back into the night.

Exhausted from almost 48 hours of international travel with multiple layovers and transfers, the weary body slowly made it into her home. After turning on the bare minimum of lights, she dumped everything into the entryway before locking the front door behind her. Haphazardly then hung up her coat on its specified rack and kicked off her shoes in a haze.

With only her cell phone in hand, this weary individual trudged into the living room and plopped her weary bones onto the massive couch.

As her body hit the cushions, memories of precious moments and skinship came flooding into her at once. Just earlier this year he was here, sitting next to her. All she could think about was how an innocent interaction quickly turned into a core memory.

Not ready to succumb to her emotions yet, she sat up suddenly.

"Get a grip woman. You got yourself in this situation."

Staring blankly in front of her, a frame sitting on top of the entertainment center caught her eye. It held a photo that she cherished with every ounce of her being. Barely an adult in the photo, this moment in time was captured on the first day of her second chance at life with the person that gave it to her. A tear fell down her face as she stared lovingly at the woman standing next to her in the photograph.

"God, I'd give anything to have you here. I need your advice. I fucked up."

Knowing this emotion was more than likely amplified by her lack of sleep and non-stop self-loathing triggered by her anxiety-fueled decisions made the past few days... she set the photo down and walked away. Alas, her eyes caught a completely different photo frame. One she was desperately trying to avoid.

Like a moth drawn to a flame, she turned to face the large multi-photo frame that she hung earlier that fall. The photos around the outside were filled with precious memories of the 6 men she had grown to love like family over the past year. Each moment in time brought a smile to her face. Then her eyes wandered to the middle photo.

Her heart sank.

There in the middle was the most precious memory of them all. The photo was a candid moment she cherished with every ounce of her being. A simple snapshot taken while she was driving.

Stopped at a light in the early morning hours, her head was turned to the man sitting in the passenger seat. Sporting a surprised look while he had a satisfied smile. His fingers were tightly woven around hers.  He was in the process of pulling up her hand in order to kiss it gently for all to see.  Silently telling the other passengers in her vehicle that the two of them had officially taken the next step after many painful months of long distance flirting.

Instantly turning away, she tried to distract herself before succumbing to her pent-up emotions. Her grumbling stomach thankfully reminding her that it had been a while since she had any sort of sustenance. She made her way into the kitchen hoping there was something in there.