The Way Of Life

58:
I want you to know that this isn't your fault but it's not mine either.
It was simply just a misunderstanding.
Nothing more and nothing less.
But we wronged eachother over it not seeing how stupid we were.
-Nex

59:
I love you<3
-Nex

60:
I'm only excited to get home because I can lay in bed and avoid people.
I love being alone but I hate being lonely.
-Nex

61:
I have been sober for 1 year now.
I was sober before but healing means taking a step back sometimes.
The important thing to keep in mind is, that you should never give up just because you didn't make it on the first try.
Healing takes time and that is okay,
Do this in your own speed.
-Nex

62:
Lil peep was such an amazing artist.
His music makes every breakdown better.
-Nex

63:
I am drowning...
-Nex

64:
"One day you're gonna grow up and see how things really are."
I did, now I see how fucked up everyone around me is.
-Nex

65:
Wake up!
No one is comeing to safe you.
You have two options now:
1. Watch this kill you
2. Fight for yourself
You don't need a hero to safe you.
-Nex

66: voices
You have no idea how cruel the voices inside my head are.
I can't ignore them.
They are screaming so loud I fear someone could hear them if they stand to close to me.
Please someone make them shut up.
I'm not strong enough.
-Nex

67:
I know that I need to tell people more often that I love them and care about them and all that.
But it's so hard because I'm just so scared to get hurt even by friends.
And on top of that I also suck at expressing my emotions.
I hope you know that I love and care about you and am thankful for you even when I don't say it.
This is for you: L,V,C,L,K,C,A,S
-Nex <3

68:
I don't understand how you can be ok with yourself knowing that you completly and absolutely destroyed me.
I didn't deserve that.
I never did anything to you.
-Nex

69: insomnia
You know things are getting bad again when you can't fall asleep.
I fucking hate my insomnia.
The night gets so lonely,
I used to think nights were beautiful but now I know how ugly it can get at night,  alone with your thoughts.
-Nex

70:
I think the reason for why things here at home got better is because after I got my depression diagnosis my parents understood, that I wasn't lazy I was in pain and had no motivation.
They stopped being angry with me.
I still want to move out tho.
-Nex
Update to that 1 1/2 years later:
They in fact did not understand me,
I was being delusional.
It got better for a while,
But that didn't last, it never does.
-Nex