The Way Of Life

270:
You will never know everything about me,
I will never let you see all of me,
Because some scars are best left hidden.
-Nex

271:
Time seems to stand still,
As your lips ghost over my skin,
There is no past, no future, just this very moment,
Only you and I matter now.
And I will savour this moment forever.
-Nex

272:
I feel like we are moving at
200 m/ph,
Maybe we should slow down,
And let things progress at a slower pace.
But every time I look into your eyes,
I can see how sure you are of yourself,
And how certain he is of his emotions.
So I just let you do whatever it is that you want,
And try to catch up with your speed.
-Nex

273:
Looking at you hurts,
I see a man that I resent more than anything in this world.
One of my friends asked me,
If I could go back in time would I help you,
Would I let you vent to me,
Would I try to help you,
In the hopes that you would turn out to be a better person,
A better man that actually knows how to love his family.
The answer is no,
I wouldn't go back to help you if I could,
Because I am almost 100% certain that you won't change.
And this way I can at least tell myself that you don't know any better,
That this is all because how your childhood,
And because your parents treated you the same way.
It makes it easier to accept and try to work around it.
-Nex

274:
Hot tears of regret are flowing down my cheeks,
Every moment with you plays back in my mind,
Stabbing my heart like daggers.
We will never know what we could have been,
What we should have been.
-Nex

275:
This world is a cruel place,
I've learned that a long time ago,
And now I have finally come to accept it
-Nex

276:
You were more than a chapter in my life,
You were a whole ass sup series.
But guess what,
I didn't just end that series,
I fucking burned all the books,
So no one will ever know what a big part you played in my life,
You will have never existed.
-Nex

277:pretenders
It's hard to be on vacation with your family when you know that you are all just pretending to be happy spending so much time together,
We don't really talk with one another,
Only ever posing and smiling for the camera,
So everyone else believes that we are such a beautiful happy family that enjoys being together and having fun.
-Nex

278:
I was raised by a man that is hard to impress,
I worked my ass up but nothing ever seemed enough for him.
I was in a situation where I needed his help but I knew he would only make things worse,
And I would end up having to work twice as hard to repay him for his lost time and energy.
I will never be worth it to him,
And maybe one day I will be able to accept that.
-Nex

279:
I feel so blue all the time
-Nex

TW!
280:
Realisation glistened in your eyes,
You knew damn well that you crossed a line I so clearly set.
Yet you tried to make it seem like all of your actions were my fault.
Like I somehow deserved all that you did to me,
Because I always was and always will be a spoilt brat to you,
The fact that I get this money in order to stay silent is a fact that you can easily ignore.
You are no better than him,
And that thought that fact is going to kill you
-Nex

281:
This lonely empty feeling lingers in my heart, in my mind, in my soul
-Nex

282:
I am sitting across from a liar,
I stare into his eyes,
Looking for any sign that he is lying once again.
I will spend the rest of our life's questioning everything he says,
Long years of trust all gone and for what?
-Nex

283:
I can't bare one more person looking at me like I am some broken fragile mess,
The pity of feeling responsible to help me; fix me in one way or another,
Just to blame me for putting my baggage on them and pulling the, down with my shit.
You can leave when I get to much,
I can't,
I can't escape my mind,
I am stuck with these fucked up thoughts 24/7.
So don't ever blame me for a decision you made,
Because you wanted to feel like a good person,
I am not a charity case!
-Nex

284: Goodbye
I lean out of the car window to give you one last kiss,
Ours might be the hardest and saddest goodbye I ever have to say
I am already longing for the safety and comfort that your arms provided,
I am homesick for a person, for my person.
Goodbye my love,
I will cherish what we had until the day I die
-Nex

285:
You said that you would come back for me once you worked on yourself,
You promised me that we would get another chance.
So I waited and waited for your return.
I hoped to see you again,
I tried to hold on to you,
But you just slipped right out of my grip
-Nex

286:
I'm sorry,
I am so sorry,
For everything,
Truly I am.
I know we won't get that time back,
But please forgive me and come back,
Please give me another chance,
Give us another chance,
I'm begging you.
I will be better,
We will be better.
I love you and I really need you in my life.
Those are the words I wish you would say to me,
These words would make all of this better,
But I know that that is just wishful thinking,
And I will never get to hear you say these things to me.
You would never mean any of it,
I would never mean anything to you,
That and only that is the truth.
-Nex

287:
I am biting back tears as I stare at you in utter disbelief,
And you just look at me like I should have seen this coming from the start,
My breath gets caught in my throat as my spirit dies
-Nex

288:
I did not only safe you a seat at my table,
I also waited for you to show up.
Every time someone walked into the room my face light up with hope,
Hope that you would walk through these doors with a smile on your face because you made it,
But you never showed.
Sometimes I feel like I am still sitting at that table waiting for you to come and get me.
-Nex

289:
I'm sitting at the beach watching people walk by,
Music blasting in my ears,
Time seems to fly by and before I know it, it is already dark,
But I stay put and stare out at the ocean,
Lost in my thoughts,
I don't know how long I have been sitting here,
But I feel finally at peace,
So I stay a little longer and watch the sunrise.
-Nex

290:
I look you in the eyes,
Tears streaming down my cheeks,
Which only makes me angrier because I don't want you to see just how much you affect me.
As I scream at you to finally see me,
See how much I have been trying.
But I will only ever be a failure and a burden to you.
-Nex