The Way Of Life

227:guilty as sin?
You think I am doing this for no reason?
Just for the fun of it?
Because I like to watch people leave?
This doesn't leave me as untouched and cold as it may seem.
I pay a high price for protecting myself,
But you will never understand that,
You don't know what these people have put me through in order for me to react this way.
I am mirroring their actions but you only see me as the guilty one.
Why is that?
-Nex

TW!

228:shadow
You have seriously outdone yourself,
Never in a million years could I have known that you would text me out of the blue after months if not even a year of no contact,
Just to drop this bomb on me, no warning no heads up no nothing.
A few texts was all it took for you to throw my whole world upside down and push me back into that dark hole I have fraught so hard and often to get out of.
Why did you have to drag me down this rabbit hole with you?
Haven't you done enough damage to me?
One night and you fucked me up completely.
I can't even put into words how much I despise you as a person.
You have such a strong hold on my soul,
I hate myself for letting you affect me so much but I can't stop you.
I will never escape you,
You have become my shadow,
You emerge from the dark and steal all of my hope and happiness,
And leave me cold, lost, hurt and alone,
But you never really leave do you?
Once I have recovered from your vicious attack you come back for more.
Until one day you will take to much
-Nex

229:
My heart feels cold,
Like your touch left it in a frozen state,
It won't warm up for anyone anymore.
-Nex

230:
Poetry has a lot to do with creativity and fantasy,
I can write about true things that I have experienced or write about things that I made up in my mind.
But no amount of creativity and fantasy will ever make you love me
-Nex

231:it's all for you
My heart beats for you,
I breathe for you,
And I live for you.
-Nex

232:
We see each other again after so much time.
Our eyes lock
Me:"you left..."
You:"I know"
Me:"You hurt me..."
You:"I know"
Me:"Why did you..."
You:"I know"
And then you pull me into your arms
No more words were spoken.
-Nex

233:
After wave depression,
When you pretend that everything is alright and that you are happy all day long,
So when you come home it all comes crashing down on you in an instant everything goes back to black,
Heavy breaths, teary eyes, thoughts racing through your head,
The weight of the day burring you beneath it all.
-Nex

234:roots
The anger and rage that id buried deep within my soul,
The same anger and rage that my father has formt into his being,
I can't help but wonder if his father also has it too,
I mean this has to come from somewhere,
Maybe it is a feature that is passed on in my family.
-Nex

TW!

235:
I can't do anything but lay in bed and stare at the ceiling,
I am so overpowered by my emotions,
Consumed by my horrible thoughts,
I remember when I felt like this for the first time,
I was only 12 years old...
I vividly remember not wanting, no wishing even that I wasn't alive anymore.
It's been 7 years and that's thought still lingers in the back of my mind.
-Nex

237:
What we have baby is addicting,
But it ain't sweet it's toxic,
We both draw blood from time to time but never equal amounts.
We are always trying to overpower one another,
We ain't equals and that is the problem.
-Nex

236:
I know for a fact that I make some of the things that happened to me seem worse that what actually would be accurate,
But how do I prove the things that happened and how badly they affected me,
When I can barely remember my childhood and teenage years,
When I have no visible scars to prove all the pain I have endured.
So how so I show people what my life was/ still is like?
-Nex