The Way Of Life

238:
I will end you,
I will end this family,
I will end our bloodline,
I will be the last true member of our family,
Our family name will not run on any longer,
It is my god-given birthright to claim this legacy,
And I will watch it burn,
Who should be feared now?
-Nex

239:
Look at me,
And I mean really look at me,
You did this,
You did this to me,
I am this monster,
This villain,
Because of you,
Because of what you did,
You turned me into this,
Into a cruel and heartless person,
No one can recognise,
Not even I can
-Nex

240:
You are a fucking traitor,
That is the ugly and painful truth,
You betrayed me,
Broke my trust,
A trust I have worked so hard on to give you,
I somehow convinced myself that you wouldn't change,
That I knew who you are and that I could read you like an open book,
So all this came as a fucking surprise.
-Nex

241:
How can you say that you love me when you don't even really know me,
You don't know how cruel and messed up I truly am,
Because if you knew you would go running for the hills.
It is my destiny to stay alone with these thoughts forever.
-Nex

242:
Please don't ever be afraid to love,
It is so beautiful,
It can be painful yes,
But there is beauty in everything.
Love, when it is right, will set you free
-Nex

TW!: loss of a loved one

243:
They say time heals all wounds,
But you've been gone for so many years now,
And there is still a you shaped hole in my heart,
I still feel so alone and empty without you at my side,
I think of you all the time,
The pain is still as strong as it was the day you died.
I'll always love you old friend,
Until we'll meet again.
-Nex

244:
I hate you,
With every breath I take,
With every beat of my heart,
I hate you
-Nex

245:
My spirit is dead,
I have no motivation to do anything,
I am in my room all day starring at the ceiling or wall,
In silence,
Just me and my thoughts
-Nex

246:
It's late at night,
The weight of the world is slowly crashing down on me,
And it hits me suddenly,
The realisation that I have no control over my life at all,
I am helplessly trying to survive,
What feels like my own personal hell.
-Nex

TW!: Depression

247:I wish I could...
I wish I could have winter depression,
At least then I could make sense of all this,
Of why things constantly get bad again.
I mean it's cold and grain in winter and Christmas is a constant reminder of my shitty family.
I would have a reason to why I feel this way,
And I think winter depression is a little bit more acceptable in society than other forms of depression are.
I mean getting a depressive episode during dummer seems so stupid,
It's warm and sunny,
Everyone has more free time to hang out,
But I am all alone sitting in my room missing out on great memories because I can't bring myself to join my friends,
I feel like I would just be in the way and ruin things with my bad mood.
It's so dreading...
I wish I could be "normal" whatever that even means,
I wish I could truly be happy,
I wish I could stay happy.
I wish I could be a better person,
I wish I could be a better friend.
I wish I could be someone people love,
I wish I could just be someone else.
-Nex

248:
There was a time where I would have vowed to love you forever.
There was a time where you were everything to me.
There was a time where you were my home, my safe space and my happiness.
There was a time where I would spray your perfume on my clothes every time I missed you.
But now all there is, is heartbreak, pain and betrayal.
-Nex