The Way Of Life

47: lonely
It dosen't matter how many friends I have or how many people care about me.
I will always feel so alone.
I just can't belive that someone would actually like to be around me.
-Nex

TW!
48: scary
I scare myself.
I sometimes hear someone call my name but no one is there.
I see my door open but it's actually still closed.
I see shadow figures.
I feel someone touch me but I'm all alone.
Hallucinations can be a part of depression.
-Nex

49: changes
I've stoppes taking my antidepressants and I'm not numb anymore which is a good thing, I think.
I cry more, well actually I should say I can cry again because when you are numb you can't cry because you don't feel anything.
I'm scared that I will fall back into rockbottom but as of rightnow I'm okay.
-Nex

50:
She makes me aggressive and I don't know why.
This happened before and than it was gone, now it's back and I hate it. But I can't make that feeling go away.
It's not her fault but it's not mine either.
-Nex

51: M
We saw each other again after what felt like forever and you acted like nothing ever happened.
How is that possible?
Did you stop fighting for our friendship?
Did we fuck it up to badly?
-Nex

52:
I'm always the villain.
-Nex

53:
Friend: "I'm worried about you."
Me: "I'm worried about me too..." is what I want to say but I just end up being like: "No don't be, I'm fine, I've got this."
And I don't even know why I'm lying.
-Nex

54: familia
"This feels like the start of a movie I've seen before and I didn't like the ending."
So why are we repeating the past?
-Nex

55: game
You think you are the only one that can play this game?
You want to go down that road I'll go with you. But just so you know I play just as dirty as you do.
This shit goes both ways.
-Nex

56:
I sometimes cry when I think about you. Out of anger, out of pain, out of disbelive, out of sadness, because I'm devastated to have lost someone like you.
I loved you so deeply and you broke that up for no fucking reason.
I just can't put my head around that.
Why did you do that?
Was it worth losing what we had?
Are you happy now?
-Nex

57:
You make me hate myself and I don't know why I give you the power to do that.
You see me as something I'm not. But I am starting to bekome just that person you see in me.
I hate you for having that much power over me.
We should have never become this close,
it's not good for the both of us.
-Nex