Safe With You

Christmas

POV JJ

"I don't think what you are doing is healthy JJ. Your feelings are valid and pushing away what you want it only going to cause more harm in the long run. You know this is going to break you both up" Emily says. I groan and hold my face in my hands. We got back from our trip 2 days ago and christmas was in 2 days. I went in today to file all the paper work I had done and also get away for a moment. Emily, Pen and I were in her office all sitting around. I had told them of our convernsation, leaving out the baby part of course but I think they get the picture. "She's right JJ. You would be an amazing mother. Any child you be lucky to have you. You have natural instincs" Pen says making me look up and smile at her. "But I love Ashley" I say broken up about this. They both sigh and we sit in silence. "I should probably head back. My mom is flying in today and I have to pick her up soon. I also need to do last minute shopping" I say after about 5 minutes of nothing. "Are you coming Em and Pen for the party tomorrow?" I ask them. "Ya, I'll be there." Emily says hugging me. "I can't make it sorry JJ" Pen says hugging me too. "It's alright. So just Em then" I comment makind them nod. "Ok, See you tomorrow. You know you can stay for christmas too" I tell her and she smiles. "We'll see" Emily says as we walk to the elevator. "See you guys next year. Unless someone goes psyco" I joke making them groan and laugh. "See you" they both say and we part ways to our cars.

After picking my mom up from the airport we get home and I help her with her bags. "I'm going to clean up and nap before dinner" mom says after I place her last bag in her room. "Ok, I'll come get you if you're not up by then." I say and she nods making me leave. I head to the kitchen and look through the fridge for something to make not having a plan. "Mom's settled?" Ash asks coming into the kitchen. "Yup. She's going to rest till dinner. Do you want anything in particular?" I ask turning to look at her. "Um, how about something easy. We'll be eating a lot tomorrow and Christmas. Sandwiches and a side?" She suggests making me hum. "Sounds good" I say getting everything out to make sandwiches and a salad. "You ok?" She asks helping me make everything. I hum and glance at her, "ya, why?" I ask cutting the tomatoes. "I don't know. Ever since the talk it's been a bit different" she says making me sigh. "I'm not trying to make it different" I say and she sighs too fiddling with the butter knife. "Are you sure we are ok?" She whispers brokenly making me close my eyes. I hate hearing her sound so hurt. I hate her being hurt and it sucks when it's me causing it. I didn't want to do this now. I didn't want to do this with the holidays being a few days away. I didn't want to do this at all.

"I don't know" I whisper back making her inhale sharply. "Is it because of what happened... To me?" She whispers and I can tell she's trying not to cry. I look at her frowning and set the knife down. "Ashley. Look at me" I say softly but firm making her look at me with watery eyes. I sigh and take her hand intertwining out fingers together. "What happened to you was not your fault. The only anger, disgust, and many more rage filled feelings goes towards your ex. You are strong, kind, smart, and so beautiful. There's nothing wrong with you. Nothing you did that you need to be sorry for." I say sternly to make sure she understands. She looks at me intensely for a moment. Probably trying to see if I'm lying which she won't find in my eyes since everything I said is the truth. After a moment she nods tears filling her eyes. I pull her into me and let her cry softly into my shirt as I rub her back gently. "I love you so much Ashley. I'll always love you no matter what" I whisper kissing her head. "Why does that sound like a break up?" She sniffles holding me tightly. "It's not. we should talk more about this. Especially if we plan on getting married. I don't want either of us to resent each other" I say making her nod. "I can't lose you Jennifer" she says burying her head into my chest making me tear up now too. "You won't. We just need to talk. We didn't talk about everything and I have a few questions." I say and she nods pulling away after a moment. "Ok. Um should we do this before everything?" She asks glancing up at me. I purse my lips and tug her closer to me. "I'm not giving up easily Ash. I'm not walking away without a fight." I tell her making her look at me and smile a bit. "I don't want to. That's the last thing I want. That's why we need to clear a few things up so we both have everything we need to make the right decision for ourselves" I say making her let a breath out and nod. "Ok. Ya. I have a few questions too" she says making me smile. "We can talk after the holidays. Let's just put this on the back burner for now, ok?" I ask making her nod and hug me tightly. "Love you" I say kissing her head. "Love you more" she says back making me chuckle. "Not possible" I say and squeeze her a bit tighter. We'll be ok.