Safe With You

I'm Sorry for Your Loss

POV JJ

The day passed by so slow and by the time I knew it was already 1pm. I had gotten everything situated and arranged for my mother's funeral. I called her best friend and she was devastated. I cried with her for 30 minutes and talked about everything. She was a big help in offering to call the rest of her friends and family so I didn't have too. She also knew them better than me so it was better to come from her. The team has left me alone and finalized the case and paperwork. They are planning to stay out with me for the funeral in 3 days. Emily has been checking in and making sure I'm eating when needed but other than that I've been left alone and distracted. But now that I'm done with preparations I need to call back home. I've gotten texts from everyone and so has Emily but I haven't even looked at them. Emily told me Hotch is flying back to pick everyone up in 2 hours to bring them so I really need to tell them. The flight is only about an hour so they need some time but I can bring myself to pick the phone up and dial Ashley's number. If I do I'll break down again and it might be my final one that destroys me.

"JJ, you need to call them. They should be here for you. They would want to be here for not only you but Sandy" Emily says 20 minutes later after she walks in with lunch. "I can't. I can't do it Em" I mutter looking at my hands. "Hey, I'll be right here ok. We can do it together. If it gets too much I'll take over" she says wrapping her arm around me. "Thank you but I need to do it. I.. I just don't know how to start." I say looking at her. She smiles and picks up my phone handing it to me. "I can help with that" She says smiling making me snort which making her smile widen. "I'll be in the other room" She says making me nod. Taking a breath I hit Ashley's contact. It rings twice before she answers. "Jay? Oh my God are you ok? I've been trying to get a hold of you I even texted Emily. The officers left saying it was safe but we are all still at MK's waiting to hear it from you" she rambles making me relax just hearing her voice. "Jay?" She asks worried when I don't respond. "Ya...ya I'm here. It's safe. We got him" I say voice hoarse from crying and lack of sleep. "What's wrong?" She says worriedly. "Um... something happened and I don't know how to tell you" I say closing my eyes to stop the tears from falling out. "What is it? I'm right here ok, what ever it going on it'll be ok" She says gently. "I don't think I'm going to be able to tell everyone I can barely tell you... Can you... um." I stutter choking up slightly. "Ya... Ya I can tell the others. What's wrong baby? You're scaring me a bit" she says hesitantly sounding more worried. "I made a mistake" I whisper tears falling down my face. "I'm sure you didn't Jay. You're always hard on yourself... Baby I don't want to push you but I can tell you want to tell me. It's ok, you can tell me anything you know that...Right?" She asks trying to sooth me making me calm down a bit wiping my tears from my jaw. "Um, I huess I should just tell you everything from the start." I say sighing. "Only if you want" she says gently making me smile at how much she cares. I just want her here. I want her to hold me and tell me it's going to be ok even though I won't believe her. "The unsub we were looking for blamed us for his daughter's death since the man responsible wasn't charged for her death, but the others he killed. It was last year... He has been watching us which is why you guys were under protection." I explain and she hums telling me that she's listening. "He went dark after a week since we had everyone on lockdown. He couldn't touch us...I made a mistake." I say clenching my fist. "He said he was surprised it was me who slipped up. Thought I would be the hardest one to get too but I messed up. I was the weak link he got to" I say getting frustrated. "What happened?" She ask and I can hear shuffling and a door shut telling me she is probably moving into another room away from everyone. I take a breath and decide to spare her the details. "He killed my mom" I choke out and hear her gasp. "Jay..." Ashley breathes out sounding like she's crying. "I've gotten everything situated and her funeral is in 3 days so if you want to come Hotch is flying out soon, he'll be there by 4. I can have Pen come pick whoever wants to come up." I say. "Don't do that. Please don't do that Jennifer." She begs making the tears fall down my face again. "I'm sorry" I cry out bringing my free hand up to my mouth to muffle the cries. "I'm coming ok. I'll be there and I'm sure everyone will want to come too. And don't apologize my love ok? You have nothing to apologize for. I'm so so sorry. I... Oh god I can't imagine..." She says making me close my eyes still crying. "I'll see whoever comes tomorrow... Hotch can give more details I... I just want to be alone" I whisper. "Ok. I'll tell everyone and get ready. I'll be there soon ok? I love you" She says and I hum not being able to speak and hang up the phone. Sobs wrack my body making me drop my phone and Emily comes into the room kneeling on front of me wrapping her arms around me holding me tight. This would be the 4th time crying in her arms... Not that I'm keeping count.