People.

twenty four

Things can change in such a short time. You don't even know which opportunity is going to shift everything in your life hinder and eighty degrees, so just keep going.

I found love and courage in a place I wasn't sure I would fit.

Jasper kissed me for the first time two days before everyone in the group had to go home, literally the evening before our great day. I was up till two in the morning, telling Abby how it all happened, though she was the one to tell Jasper to finally do it, quoting "you freaking go to the room now and kiss her, dude". Abby and Jake even discussed if Jasper was going to do it. He did.

I knew since the afternoon when he took my hand. He told me he was sure that was it, when one evening he took a pillow from his wheelchair and I laid on his lap for the first time.

We're doing long distance. My father hates him, my mother seems worried. We live in the opposite parts of the country. But we both are going to fight, and what happens, it not ours to know. We'll do our best, and may the Lord help us survive all difficulties and the many kilometers between us.

Jasper is like a blessing from above. I knew this wasn't a coincidence after just a day. I was just standing in the line, waiting for a coffee in the hotel's canteen before our workshops and he was moved enough by my work to find me just to compliment it. Later that day we talked untill almost midnight, and it continued for the rest of the project. He is everything I could ask for. Caring, positive, kind, gentleman, funny, with a cute smile, makes me feel important, can listen to others, sensitive in a good way, loving, honest, understanding, I could go on with the list.

He knows he's my first boyfriend. What I loved about him is how he always asked if he could do something, starting with a hug on the first day we began to talk, or if he could sit by my side so close, if he could lay his head on my shoulder. Even after we finally kissed, he made sure to ask if I was fine with where he put his hands or if I felt comfortable.

He visited me in my hometown. I'm sure Rose would adore him too, and he would definitely get along with Jacob and Leo. But they are like the other chapter that sometimes maybe has something to do with the current one. Jasper is like another volume of a book, even more beautiful that I could ever imagine.

I miss him, every day. We text or talk almost all the time, but we both miss the face to face conversation and the physicality - warm hugs, long kisses, lovingly staring at each other, holding hands, all the cute stuff and showing affection. No surprise, that when he visited me we used majority of the time we were alone to simply sit together and kiss, talk about everything, breathe the same air, you know. Before I didn't understand how much you can miss a person, even more than a long distance friendship, it's even more tough for boyfriend and girlfriend. When you want to hug before sleep, but you can only tell yourselves "goodnight, I love you" on facetime.

Yes, the other thing. I'm learning to say "I love you". I feel it and I'm sure this is what's on my heart, but I was never good at saying that, I barely do it normally.

Suddenly I hear knocking at the door. Abby has the card and she told me she'll be sitting with the girls and her Jake, so maybe it's one of Jasper's roommates looking for him? Of course I'd love it if it's Jasper. He kept telling Abby he needs to talk to her and I'm wondering what it was all about.

I open the door and it's my favorite person. Jasper is still in his shirt from the rehearsal, and as always looks amazing.

- Hi. - I say and I sit back on the side of my bed. Jasper enters, closes the door and the atmosphere feels serious.

- Paula, I have something to tell you. - he says and for a second I can hear only the wheels and my breath - I planned to do this tomorrow, but... - he comes closer, leaning forward, at first I'm thinking he'll hug me or say something quietly, but he gets even closer and kisses me on the lips.

My mind screams "finally", when after the first moment of shock I lean forward too and embrace the moment. It's so sweet, so that's how it feels when you kiss someone, and it's someone you absolutely love...wait, what do I do now, I never kissed a boy before, what do I do? Stop thinking, Pauline, feel it. It feels like my lips are burning and any deeper thoughts leave my brain, I'm melting.

- I love you. - he whispers. I'm sobering for a moment, wondering if I'll ever be able to say it back.

- Me too. - I say with the most feelings I can put into my voice, so that he knows I mean it, though I can't say it directly.

- Sorry that it took so long. - he looks at me with warmth in his eyes and our lips meet again.

I said "I love you" back the next day, while we were sitting in the corridor. I'm still learning to say it, because these aren't words I'd say often.

I'm still discovering some little things in myself I never knew were inside me. We've been together for over two months and I already started imagining some details of our future, thinking how my name would sound with his last name and how many more cats do we want for our cats to have as more company. I adore being kissed on the neck, hugged all the time and if I could just sit with my head on his shoulder for the whole day, I would. Also, getting flowers is so cute, the "just because" ones are the best. Jasper knew I felt terrible while being sick, sitting at home and being a burrito raccoon version of me, so he sent me a beautiful bouquet and it made my day. For the first time I received flowers from a guy without any occasion like birthday, name day or women's day.

As humans, we are complicated and I think it's amazing. Our project team is a blend of everything and I love it. Not only in terms of the variety of our disabilities, but also how each of us is an another colorful bird. We have Abby, Jasper, Jake and other people on wheelchairs, autistic and neurodiverse people, me with my diabetes, Jules with one blind eye, and Vicky with her denture, this project just shows how beautiful we all are.

I'm so grateful that the Lord brought us together and that we had a chance to become this team.