When Will It Be My Turn?

chapter 1

"Are you sure about this?" said Kiana, her trusted someone and her best friend for years.

"Yes"

she disappeared two months ago, the same night after we got married.

Umalis siya na wala manlang pasabi sa'ming lahat, we were so worried at her. No, scratch that. I am so worried. I waited for her every night, pero niisang beses hindi siya umuwi.

bumalik siya 2 days ago, at nalaman ko lang 'yon dahil kay Kiana. she's the only one who cares enough para sabihin sa'kin. I can't blame them though, sinabi raw kasi niya sakanila na wag ipapaalam sa'kin .

those days na hindi ko alam na nakauwi na pala siya, hinihintay ko siya umuwi sa bahay namin, and as usual she never did.

and just earlier this day, I received a call from Kiana, telling me 'bout her coming back two days ago. Agad akong napatayo at napapunta rito ngayon ng wala sa oras.

because I think two months is long enough. I must see her, and I know that she wants to end this badly as I do.

do you really want to end this? some part of me asked.

I must end this, it's better for both of us.

"She's inside that door"

I just gave her a nod, and made my way to the door she pointed at.

bago ko pa mabuksan ang pinto na naghihiwalay sa'ming dalawa, Kiana spoke up.

"Mag ingat ka, you know her, Celine" napatingin ako sakanya at binigyan siya ng isang maikli na ngiti. na alam kong bakas sa mga mata ko ang pangangamba at takot.

It took me long enough to consider this decision, I won't lie that even if we didn't get to have those happy memories and life like other couples, I'm still grateful that I got to marry her.

I know that she's upset because I agreed to this marriage that her parents presented. I just want to tell her that, like her I don't have a choice, but to. but I know that she will never believe me even if I said that.

since in the first place, they all thought that I am happy with this marriage. only because I love her.

I took one last glance at Kiana and I entered the room where she is right now.

I saw her sitting in her office chair in front me, doing something at her laptop. ni hindi niya ata naramdaman ang presensiya ko.

o baka naman sadyang iniignore ka lang- sabat naman ng isip ko.

hindi ko nalang ito pinansin, at itinuon ang atensyon ko sa babaeng nasa harapan ko ngayon.

she looks so heavenly, breathtaking, stunning in that black suit outfit, just like in our wedding day. she looks beautifully handsome.

she looks like something you won't get tired looking at. Her hazel eyes compliment her face really well, every feature she has is just so perfect that it fits perfectly well in her other features. She looks so beautiful that her being mine is something that will always stay as a dream.

me being her wife right now, feels too good to be true.

but at the same time it hurts like hell.

I didn't know that loving her will cause me this so much pain.

I didn't realise that I was unconsciously checking her out, til she fake coughed to caught my attention.

"What do you need?" She stared at me blankly.

natigilan ako, at para bang nawala lahat ng lakas na inipon ko kanina. kahit na alam ko ang mga sasabihin ko, hindi ko magawang sabihin sakanya. nanghihina ako, para bang nabblanko ang isip ko. at yung mga dapat kong sabihin ngayon ay napunta lahat sa dulo ng dila ko.

the thought of ending the things that's not even starting yet, pains me.

it pains me to think that our story will end now, kahit na hindi pa natin ito nasisimulan.

I found myself just staring at her, and we're just there, staring at each other.

para kaming naglalaro ng patagalan ng titig, at kung sino ang unang kumalas, siya ang talo.

nahinto ang pagtititigan namin nang bigla uli siyang magsalita.

"If you came here just to play a staring game with me, get out." Madiin niyang sabi. itinuon niya uli ang atensyon niya sa ginagawa at hindi na 'ko pinasadan ng tingin pa.

I don't know how long I was standing there infront of her til I got the courage to tell her what I came here for.

but eventually, I did. I said it.

and honestly I don't know if I should regret doing that or no. because everything that happened is exactly the opposite of what I'm expecting to.

"Let's end this" namayani ang katahimikan sa buong kwarto ng ilang segundo, bago niya ako tinititigan ng walang emosyon.

"end what?" she asked plainly, staring at me intently, like daring me to continue.

she might got some idea of what's happening here right now.

"Our marriage, let's have a divorce Azari" my voice cracked as I said those words. badly trying not to cry infront of her, badly trying not to take back those words. badly trying to stand straight.

para akong hinugutan ng hininga nang hindi siya magsalita at ibinalik lang ang atensyon sa ginagawa niya.

naghintay ako ng ilang minuto para magsalita siya pero hindi siya sumagot.

"Azar-" she cut me off.

"No"

what?

"N-no? w-what do you mean?" hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko sa mga oras na 'yon, ang daming pumasok sa isip ko at hindi ko alam kung alin ba sakanila ang totoo.

hindi ko mapigilan umasa, pero namamayani sa'kin ang pagtataka.

bakit? bakit ayaw niyang makipag divorce? d-does she like me? But no, that's impossible she love her.

If so, then why? why is she doing this.

She cut my thoughts when she spoke again.

"Stop daydreaming" She looked at me disgustingly.

"I. Will. Never. Love. You" mabagal at madiin niyang sambit habang nakatitig sa'king mga mata.

I feel like thousands of knives stabbed me in my chest, kumikirot yung puso ko, para bang maiiyak nalang ako dahil sa sinabi niya.

I know that, I do. but why does it hurts so bad? It hurts so bad even if I know that she will never love me like how I love her.

hindi ako nakapag-salita, at hinihintay lang na magsalita siya ulit para sabihin sa'kin ang dahilan kung bakit ayaw niyang tapusin 'to.

"Divorcing with you means giving you freedom, and it's something that you don't deserve after ruining everything for me." turan nito, at tumingin ng deretsyo sa'king mga mata. her face holds no emotions.

I feel so helpless. I feel my eyes being teary as I tried my best not to let it fall.

"But I didn't ruin anything, I don't even know how I got there. I-" pagdedepensa ko, halata sa boses ko ang panginginig na para bang maiiyak na 'ko.

I'm tired, I'm so tired of being misunderstood. of being accused of something I don't even do. I'm tired of suffering to things I don't even do. I- I can't take it anymore.

"How brave of you to deny it Celine, we both know how slutty you are, how bitchy you are, stop pretending to be that kind and innocent girl because you are not, and I'm a fool to believe you before" She slammed her hands at her table as she stood up. her mean words hurts like a knife being stabbed in my head. as her words didn't leave me.

she walked towards me, and stopped infront of me. ilang hakbang nalang ang layo nito sa'kin.

"I'm so foolish to believe that you are like a kitten who can't even hurt an animal, and now look what I got from trusting you, I lost the person I love and that's because of you."

"You will be stuck in this marriage with me, the marriage you want yourself. I will make your life a living hell Celine."