When Will It Be My Turn?

chapter 16

It's my last day here, it feels good being alone. I had all the time I need to think and I guess it's already time to end it. I'm pretty sure she won't say no to this anymore. Pagod na rin ako, ayoko na rin. I'm already giving up my feelings for her, everything is already enough I guess. Tama na siguro, ako na muna siguro. 

I can't blame her for what had happened between us, because I know deep down na ginusto ko 'yun. ginusto kong mangyari 'yun. I don't regret her being my first because I've loved her for years already. And I guess that's already enough, I'm getting too desperate. I'm hoping too much, I'm just hurting myself more and I don't want it anymore. I want this to end, I want to let her go completely. 

I want this to stop already.

I didn't realize I was already crying just when I felt someone hugged me while I'm on my knees. napatingin ako sa kung sino iyon just to found Isabel hugging me.

"Shh, It's okay. Everything will be alright, don't cry anymore." 

And I don't know why but I cried even more after she said that, hindi ko magawang itanong kung bakit siya nandito when supposedly dapat nasa paris siya. Ang dami kong gusto itanong sakanya pero wala akong masabi, I just found myself crying and crying hanggang sa wala na 'kong luha na mailabas. Ang bigat ang sakit, kumikirot ang puso ko. 

I don't know how long or how minutes had passed bago ako kumalma, I just found Isabel infront of me wiping my tears for me as she kissed my forehead. 

"I'm here, I won't leave you." sambit nito habang hinahaplos ang likuran ko.

"W-why are you here? you're supposed to be in paris." I didn't expect her here especially she told me na she needs to stay in Paris for 2 months or even more.

"I told you na uuwi ako after I finished those papers, and don't try and argue. Tell me what's wrong, You told me na sasabihin mo sa'kin kapag nandito na 'ko, and here I am." She said smiling lightly as she held my hand and squeeze it softly.

It's like she's telling me I'm not dreaming that's why she squeezed my hand, I don't know what I did to have a friend like her. She's always there for me when I need her.

"I am married."

And then I told her everything, every single thing. Lahat ng nangyari sa'min ni Azari, how my friends and how my family betrayed me, kung gaano ko na katagal mahal si Azari at kung paanong ako lang at ang mga kaibigan lang namin ang nakakaalam. Everything, I told her everything including that night where something happened between us. 

But even after ko sabihin sakanya lahat, I didn't see any disgust, judgement, and hate in her eyes. there was nothing but a caring one. She's believing everything I said, so far she's the only one who believes in me. And I can't help but feel teary as I thought of someone actually believing me. Ni hindi ako pinaniwalaan ng sarili kong pamilya pero siya? pinaniniwalaan niya 'ko.

"And you want to divorce her right now?"

"Yes"

"Then let's do that, I'll help you with everything you'll need."

"Why are you doing this? As far as I know, I never done something for you to help me like this." I don't know if I deserve this, I don't know how to return all the favor she had done for me.

"Because it's you, Celine."

"It's me?"

"Alam ko kasi na yayaman ka few years from now, e kailangan ko kasi ng pag uutangan. so you know investment, atsaka para kapag na bankrupt ako sure ako na may sasalo sa'kin." She said seriously as she looked me in the eye.

You won't see any sign of joking sa mga mata niya, seryoso talaga siya.

Hindi ko inalis ang mga mata ko sakanya at patuloy tinitignan kung seryoso ba siya o ginagago niya lang ako.

"Are you serious?" I asked as I can't really see any signs of joking sa mga mata niya.

"HWHAHAHAHAHAHA omg, you should've seen your face." biglang pagtawa nito pagkatapos ko iyon itanong.

"Are you playing with me, Isabel?" Tanong ko na hahabulin na dapat siya dahil nagtatatakbo siya palayo sa'kin ngunit napahinto nang biglang mag ring ang phone niya.

"Ma'am Isabel, where are you? Your dad is looking all over you in the company but can't find you anywhere." "He won't stop threatening us that he will fired everyone if you won't show your face, Ma'am." I heard a deep voice speak on the other line. I heard Isabel sighed as she rolled her eyes before speaking.

"Tell him I have something urgent to attend to that's why I'm not there, also tell my good for nothing father that I won't come back for a few days." She ended the call, she didn't even wait para makasagot ang tumawag sakanya. Pinawer off niya ang phone niya at inilagay ito sa lamesa at tumingin sa'kin.

"Sorry about that, an irrelevant person is disturbing us." 

I just stared at her before asking. "What did you do, Isabel?"

"I did nothing." Pamatay malisya nito at iniiwasan ang tingin ko.

"I told you not to go here already, Bel. And now look, kailangan ka nila dun baka mapano yung mga employees dun na mawawalan ng trabaho dahil lang wala ka doon." I said worriedly, I already feel guilty dahil lang umuwi pa siya ng pilipinas para lang sa'kin, what more kapag may nawalan ng mga trabaho dahil lang wala si Isabel doon at ako pa ang dahilan.

"Don't worry about it, he won't do that. If he did edi siya rin ang magdurusa kasi gagawin niya lahat ng trabaho doon mag isa." She said playfully and brushed it off.

Wala akong nagawa kundi mag buntong hininga dahil tama nga naman siya, pero napaka pilosopo pa rin nitong batang 'to.

"What are you gonna do now then?" I asked to the girl who's playing who knows what in my phone. I don't even know how she got that.

"Actually, I'm not lying when I said I have something important to attend to, a few weeks now I have to meet an important client kaya kailangan ko rin mag arrange ng preparations for it today." She said as she stopped playing with my phone and looked at me.

"You, what are you gonna do for now?" 

"Meet my brother, he won't stop spamming me messages that's why I'm planning to meet him later and not tomorrow."

"That's too bad, I want to meet your brother too. But I have something I need to arrange later on tonight." She said pouting. I find it cute.

"You'll meet him soon too, I'll introdoce you to him." I said truthfully. I want her to meet the only person I consider as family. 

"I'll wait for that day then." She said smiling ear to ear.

"Let's go, ipaghahain kita." Sambit nito at hinila ako papuntang kusina.