When Will It Be My Turn?

chapter 6

"thank you for tonight" I genuinely said to her as I smiled.

I'm really thankful for her, because I didn't think I would experience this again, being this happy again. ever since that night, I never thought that I deserve this feeling again.

"No, it's me who supposed to thank you today, I really had fun tonight so thank you" she said as she hugged me again.

I'm getting to love her hugs.

maybe because other than her no one is hugging you - turan ng isip ko.

hindi ko nalang ito pinansin at niyakap siya pabalik.

"Ingat ka sa pag uwi" sambit ko sabay sa pagkalas ng yakap naming dalawa.

"I will"

natigilan ako ng bigla nalang ako nitong halikan sa pisngi. napalayo naman ako bigla sakanya dahil hindi ko inaasahan 'yon.

"W-what was that for" tanong ko habang hawak hawak ang pisngi na hinalikan niya.

bigla naman akong nakaramdam ng kaba, ewan ko ba kanina ko pa nararamdaman na parang may nakatingin sa'min, I feel like I just caused a sin the moment her lips touched my cheeks.

"A goodbye kiss" proud pa nitong turan at naglakad na papunta sa kotse niya.

binigyan niya lang ako ng isa pang kaway at nag flying kiss pa bago tuluyang umalis, napailing nalang ako sa kapilyahan niya. hinintay ko lang ang pagkawala ng kotse niya sa paningin ko bago tuluyang naglakad papasok sa loob ng bahay.

hawak hawak pa rin ang pisngi na hinalikan ni Isabel ay bigla nalang akong nagulat ng marinig ko ang boses niya.

"Enjoyed that kiss?"

gulat at kinakabahan ko siyang tinignan, why do I feel like I just cheated and got caught? kahit na wala namang kami. yes, we're married but we all know that we don't really have that kind of relationship.

"W-what do you mean?" patay malisya kong tanong, tell me she didn't see it. well it's all clear that she do saw it.

"Don't act dumb with me Celine, tell me, do you like how she kissed you?" tanong nito habang bumababa sa hagdan, hindi ako iniwan ng mga tingin niya.

"How's your date with her? Did you enjoy it?" She asked sarcastically. hindi ko namalayan na nasa harapan ko na siya.

"You're getting it all wrong, it's not a date-" I don't even know why I'm trying to explain to her.

"I don't care if it's a date or not" pagpuputol nito sa'kin kasabay nang pag igting ng panga niya.

"Don't you ever forget that you are my wife, and you being my wife is something I will make you regret. remember this Celine, I will never make you happy"

"Whatever you do, I will hunt you, I will make your life so miserable that you will beg for me just to kill you." She whispered in my ears.

"Take my advice, stay away from her, if you don't want me to also ruin her life"

naglakad siya papunta sa pintuan palabas ng bahay ngayon ko lang napansin na naka pang-alis siya, bago pa siya makaalis hindi ko na mapigilan sabihin at itanong kung bakit ba galit na galit siya sa'kin.

"What did I ever do to you for you to hate me like this? What did I do to deserve this huh?" I said I made my towards her.

tears are strolling down in my cheeks and I didn't bother to wipe them, I just wanna know what did I do to deserve all of this pain.

"Oh how amusing Celine, you don't even know what the fuck you did?" She asked as she just heard the most unbelievable thing in her life. as she chuckled unbelievably.

"Yes! I don't freaking know, so tell me!" I raised my voice at her, releasing all the emotions and feelings that I caged for months now.

"You ruined everything for me, because of your selfishness she left, the woman I love left, and that's because of you!" she said as she stared at me deeply, clenching her jaw.

"You ruined my happiness and that's will I do to yours too, I won't let you be happy, I will never let someone love you, you will never experience being loved because you don't deserve it."

every word stings in my heart like hell, all those words echoed in my mind. It never failed to remind me that no one will love me, dahil hindi naman ako kamahal mahal.

she left me crying there, nagpatuloy siya sa pag alis at hindi ko na alam kung gaano katagal akong nakaluhod sa harap ng pintuan habang umiiyak.

ni hindi ko rin alam kung paano ko kinaya umakyat sa kwarto ko pagkatapos ng ilang minuto kong pag iyak.

I didn't want any of those to happen.

ni kailanman hindi ko hiniling na mangyari 'yon, I lost my friends ever since that night, I even lost my family. all the people I thought will believe me and side with me left me without even letting me explain my side. naniwala sila sa mga sinabi sakanila. ni isa walang nagtanong kung okay lang ba 'ko o kung totoo ba lahat ng 'yon. none of them did. they just all left.

and now the person I love hates me, and I can't blame her. kung ang mga kaibigan ko nga at pamilya ko nga na kilala ako, kasama ako ng ilang taon, iniwan ako. siya pa ba? Infact I should even thank her. because she married me, she stayed, even though I know she hurts me more than anyone else.

the only reason that kept me going is her, no it's them. I already thought about leaving the country after all of this, I want to do it as soon as possible but I can't. not til I'm married with her.

hawak hawak niya 'ko sa leeg, kayang kaya niya gawin lahat. even suiciding won't work. hahabulin niya lang ako sa impyerno.

wala akong takas, I know that.

she has me wrapped around her fingers, you won't believe how much power she has on me. she can break me in just a snap. she can kill me with her words. she can make me bleed just by looking at me with those disgusted and hatred emotion in her eyes.

she can control me.