The Queen Of Spades

Chapter 5, Continued

My therapist is one of the most incompetent people I have ever met, I mean, who does he think he is? There is no way he is actually stupid enough to think he could crack me. I didn't even crack after two weeks straight with the Nazis. Then this dumb therapist comes along and acts like he knows everything about me, like I'm just some normal kid that he always sees. Every week I went to the therapist, and every week I hated it all the more. I never say a single word to him, I sit there with my arms crossed against my chest waiting for the hour to be over so I can leave. This week was no exception, I sat in a hanging chair across the room from Dr. Miller's desk and watched the trees out the window. Dr. Miller went through his usual "Hello Madelyn, how are you today?" Talking to me like a little kid who lost her mommy in the store. I showed no emotion and counted how many pencils were on his desk to keep my mind busy. I took a sip of my energy drink and thought about how many days I had gone without sleep so far. Going as far back as the warehouse (I only slept that one time in the stairwell and at the hospital) to today. I'd gone a total of sixty-three days without sleep, no wonder I was seeing Nova everywhere. If I didn't get some sleep soon I wouldn't even be able to string two sentences together. That settled it, I had to sleep, I’d sneak out and go to the boxcar. Maybe I could sleep without dreaming.

When my session was over, I left, grabbing two lollipops on the way out. One blue and one green, for me and Anton. I put my music on and walked to the car, messing with a fidget toy that Dr. Miller gave me. It was just two key rings connected by some metal pieces that you could flip around but for some reason it really fascinated me. I thought about the music coming through my headphones, music is a great aspirin if you think about it. You listen to music and you can just block out the world, you can empty your mind and just not                                                                                                                                                   think about anything. I didn't want to think about anything, not school, not my fake family, not my real family, not homecoming, nothing. So, with my headphones in and the volume all the way up, I put a lollipop in my mouth and opened the door to Nada's car.