The Queen Of Spades

Chapter 8, Continued, Again

We were all sitting in the attic one morning—all being all the teenagers and Finn—because the adults and little kids were occupying the downstairs and the attic had become our place to go. Finn was playing with a rattle on my lap as we talked and I apologized for the hundredth time for getting them into this impossible situation.
"Yeah, so you've said, Lyn. But I don't think you understand the problem, we aren't mad at you. You don't need to keep apologizing." Gideon said kindly from beside me.
"He's right. Liv and I aren't mad at you. Well, a little bit I guess but come on, we've known you long enough to know that this isn't your fault." Noah said, looking at me sideways because of the way he was laying.
"I ruined your whole summer—your whole lives—because of my selfishness. That is my fault."
"Will you quit with the self pity Madelyn. It's really unattractive." Olivia scoffed at me. Olivia, sweet Olivia, was becoming so much like me. I wasn't okay with that.
"The only real reason I don't want to be here is because I know that my dad is gonna be really mad when I get back." Gideon said absently.
"Oh right!” I hit my forehead with the heel of my hand, I couldn’t believe that I had forgotten to tell him the news. “No he won't. We reported him to social services before Nada left. You're being placed with Nada as a long term respite for the summer. Then you can decide if you want to stay with her or go to a new home. But we made sure that Amanda would always be placed with you. Package deal." I told him.
Gideon sat for a moment, dumbfounded, before responding. "Why?"
"Why what? I thought you would be happy. No more terrible dad, you get to stay with Amanda. What's wrong?"
"He's my dad."
"Yea and you'll still get visits if you want them."
"Madelyn, he's my dad. I can't just leave him, think about what that's gonna do to Amanda."
"You mean save her life? Think about it, Gideon, he is awful. I would have killed him if you let me, you know. It wouldn't be the first time I freelanced as an abuser killer. And I doubt he wouldn't have killed one of you if he got mad enough or drunk enough. I don't understand why you're so mad."
"No, you don't. You were never taken away from your parents."
Olivia and Noah both stared at Gideon and Noah whispered a four letter word under his breath as Gideon's eyes went wide with realization. "Crap, Lyn I didn't mean it like that, I'm so sorry."
“It’s fine.” No it’s not. I was mad, I had been made for weeks, but now I was outraged. Carefully, I handed Finn to Olivia and headed for the training room. I stayed in the training room all day. I was still in the training room, working through what I was feeling, when Nada interrupted me claiming that I needed to tell her why I was upset. To which I answered: No.
"Maddie, will you please just tell me why you're upset?" Nada asked after closing the basement door.
"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm somewhat busy at the moment." I hated when she interrupted my workouts, "Go away please."
"Your emotions are interfering with the job, Madelyn."
I rolled my eyes, driving a sharp left hook into my punching bag. "I'm so sorry that my stupid human emotions are bothering you. They probably wouldn't if you just left me alone."
"They're bothering everyone. It's putting all the kids on edge."
"Like you care about the kids, Nada. We all know you don't care what happens to them."
"I do care what happens to my nieces."
"Niece, singular. If even that. Is Lizzy really related to you? Because I know I'm not. And you can't be talking about Amanda or Olivia. They don't even know who you are."
"So this about your mom calling me your aunt? That's a really small thing to be this angry about."
"I couldn't care less about what my mom called you. Now can you please let me get back to what I was doing?" I knew she wouldn’t leave though and I ripped the velcro off of my gloves, slamming them down on the bench beside me.
"How about you stop what you're doing so that we can talk."
"I don't want to talk. Leave me alone." She was starting to get on my nerves, and that was the last thing I needed. I needed to calm down, I had to stay down here until my anger wouldn't affect Finn or anyone else.
"It wasn't a suggestion."
"Oh my lanta. Fine! But I want a third party with us." I didn’t trust myself alone with an enabler of my violent tendencies. Nada nodded and Gideon appeared in the doorway. "She already had you roped into this, didn't she?" The way he ran his hand through his hair told me that she had. "What do you want me to say?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
"I want you to tell us what's going on with you."
"Nothing, okay? I'm just sick of being cooped up in this dumb house."
"So is everyone else, Lyn." Gideon countered. "But we can't leave yet, you know that."
"Yes, thank you for telling me what I've always known. We have to stay in this stupid house because a bunch of stupid people need a stupid file so they can take down the stupid government. Well, guess what? I don't care about the government! What have they ever done for me except hurt me?"
"Now, you just wait a minute, young lady. I-" Nada didn't get to finish, Gideon cut her off before she could say anything else.
"You're right, Love. All they've ever done is hurt people, but if we leave, those other guys will kill you. They'll kill the Hudsons, Amanda and me, Finn."
"Don't you EVER say that again. They're not gonna get him. They're not."
"They will, unless we stop them." Nada said, she literally just threatened him. No one threatens my son without some consequences.
"Stop them yourself. You said it first, eama, I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. Why don't you get off your lazy rear and do something yourself for once instead of employing children to do all your dirty work?" I threw one of my cards beside her, (notice how I didn’t throw it at her?) cutting her ear and earning a glare.
"So you're mad about that? Well, it's true." she shrugged.
"Wait a minute, you told her that she wasn't good enough? Have you even seen her in a fight? Or on the edge of death? She's amazing. She’s a fighter, through and through." I almost smiled at Gideon attempting to stick out for me
"No, she's sloppy." Nada curled her lip in disgust.
"She’s right here. And no, I don't care what you say about me. Like I told Oliver back in August, you can go screw yourself."
"That's a bit excessive, Lyn, don't you think?"
"Don't worry, she won't shed a tear over it. Just like I won't at her funeral. Now I'm tired of this conversation. Leave. Now. Or I'll make you leave, Nada Sloan." With a scoff, Nada turned and picked up the playing card that had fallen to the ground after slicing through her ear. In one swift movement, she threw it at me. I turned, narrowly missing having my throat cut by my own weapon. Nada left then, satisfied that she had made her point. Her point, of course, being that if I challenged her I would pay dearly. Not that I cared. We both knew that despite all her talk, I could beat her anyday. Gideon stayed. Gideon always stayed. No matter what, he always stayed when I was upset. Even when he shouldn't, even when I knew he was scared of me. I sighed, unclipping the harness that kept my prothstetic arm on. I was tired of wearing it and my skin was being rubbed raw by the material on the harness. Gideon came and sat down beside me, wrapping an arm around me. I leaned into his embrace and laid my head on his shoulder. "How's Finn?" I felt bad about leaving him alone all day, but I didn't want him to see me this angry. That kind of thing imprints on you for life.
"He was still snuggling with Livi when I came down here. I imagine she's probably getting him riled down for bedtime now. You should go up and tuck him in."
I hadn't seen him since just after breakfast, I just got so mad that I knew I was gonna explode at the simplest thing so I left. "Yeah, I know. Sorry for leaving you with him today."
"Hey, we all love Finn, I'm sure you could leave him with Olivia all day and she wouldn't even complain." That didn't make me feel better. I wanted to be there for him, present in his life. How could I do that if I was gone all the time on missions like mom and dad always were? They were never around, and when they were, we were on missions as a family. Taking down international criminals is not exactly a healthy way to grow up. They tried, I know they did, but they should've tried harder.