The Queen Of Spades

Chapter 8, Continued, Again

I stood and started upstairs, Gideon following close behind. After tucking Finnegan in and taking a shower to get the dust and sweat off of my body and out of my hair, I collapsed on the air mattress I called my bed and immediately fell asleep. Out of consciousness and into the realm of nightmares. My nightmares, of course. No one else could possibly come up with what my subconscious did. I shouldn't have still been scared of the nightmares. They were the same almost every night.

Everybody always dies.

Except for me.

I was standing on a cliff overlooking the ocean. Heights had never been my thing, no matter how many times I stood on a rooftop as a sniper. There was just something very unappealing about plummeting to my death. I backed away from the edge of the cliff. There would be no falling today. At least, I hoped not. But, of course, I was wrong. There were voices down below, in the water, calling for me. They were like sirens, trying to lure me to my death. Asking me to join them. Always asking me to join them. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t die yet. Not anymore. If they had asked me three months ago to join them, I would have jumped off that cliff without a second thought. But now? I couldn’t. And it killed me. It killed me that I couldn’t be with them. But I walked to the edge and whispered one word. One small word that would be the hardest thing I’ve ever said. “No.” No, I can’t come with you. Not today, not yet. They didn’t like that. They thought I was leaving them behind. I knew that, but I didn’t have a better option. I sat, looking down at them, with my legs dangling over the edge. If they wanted me then they would do anything to get me.

Then the ground crumbled beneath me, and I fell.

I woke up screaming, the feeling of falling and hitting the water still on my skin. The door opened and Gideon rushed in and ran to me. “Are you okay?” He asked, but we both knew the answer.
“It was just the nightmares, sorry I woke you.”
“Are they getting worse?” He sat down next to me on the mattress and gravity started to pull me towards him.
I shook my head, “It’s fine. Don’t worry, just go back to sleep. I’m gonna go check on the baby, make sure I didn’t wake him up.” I started to get up but Gideon shook his head.
“He’s fine, Lyn, I checked on him before I came in here. He’s sleeping fine. I doubt he can even hear you from all the way down here.”
“You did.”
“I was still awake, that bed is awful.”
“You can have mine, you know. Here, lay down.” I gestured for him to lay beside me.
“If you insist.”
I nodded, smiling, “I do.”
Gideon let out a sigh that was meant to sound annoyed and laid down beside me.
“See? My bed is pretty good, huh?” I laid back down.
“Are you gonna tell me about your dream?”
“I died.” I usually never told him about my nightmares. I didn’t tell anyone what went on in my mind.
“Really? What happened?”
“I was on a cliff, above the ocean. My family was in the water. They told me to jump, to join them.”
“Did you? Jump, I mean?”
“No. I’ll be with them one day. I need to be here for Finnegan.”
“I’m glad you think that,” He turned so that he was facing me, propping his head up on his hand. “It’s kind of like what I said at school this spring.”
“Yeah, it is.” I turned to face him, wanting to talk to him some more, but I realized that he was probably tired and let him sleep instead, laying so that our bodies aligned perfectly together like puzzle pieces.