Falling Together

Time to Tell my Story

DAX

I've barely spoken to Maisie in days. I know its hurting her and that she doesn't understand the way I cope. Maisie has always had all of these people to turn to when she has her downs. But I've always done better dealing with them on my own. I want her to understand that me pulling away has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me trying to figure things out that are going on inside of me.

Noah was here for a few days and I know he was trying to help by telling me over and over again that I have people around me and that they all want to help me. But it all comes down to one simple fact.

They cant actually help me. Its my fears and my trauma that's affecting me. And no amount of counseling or therapy is going to wipe that slate clean. The most they can do is tell me to 'let it go' or 'move on'. As if I haven't already thought of those solutions myself. It's just not that easy.

Sometimes I can completely forget during the day when I'm able to control my mind and focus on other things. But when the dreams come back or I remember the pain in the first two minutes after I open my eyes.. Those are the moments I can't help.

I'm sitting in my truck facing the beach and watching Maisie's competition. She only has two kids in her division and they aren't star athletes. The boy wiped out hard in his first couple minutes and he looked really upset like he just wanted to give up. I don't know what Maisie yelled at him when he tried to paddle in during his set but I could see him take a deep breath puff out his chest and turn his board back around. The crowd cheered for him and he never fell again. He just enjoyed the waves. Even if he didn't win he seemed like he had just made a core memory

The girl did much better. She was definitely coming into the competition with a competitors mindset She nailed her first two stunts and came down a little to hard on her third and lost balance trying to turn her board back and forth. Neither one. But neither seemed to be disappointed. And I could see Maisie hugging them and cheering as if they had taken the whole trophy.

I was so proud of her. I wanted so badly to get out and tell her that. I even stopped at the store on the way over to buy her some flowers. I glance down at them in the passenger seat.

"Come on Dax, you can do this. Don't be a loser." I say pushing myself to get out of the car.

I swing the door open and grab the flowers. I pull down my shirt and clear my throat. I see Maisie smiling and walking the kids over to talk with their parents and decide I'll meet her over by them.

"Dax? Is that you son?" I hear a voice from the far left. It's a man in a blue shirt and a baseball cap that I know well. He used to be my biggest rival when I helped coach little league. I freeze as my head snaps to the voice. The sounds of screaming and the words i last heard this man say to me fight to the surface.

Get the kids out of here! Run!

No. I choke down the ball in my throat and force a smile. "It's good to see you. How have you been?" he says

"I've been ok."

"You bringing me flowers to help me start the new season?" he teases

"Ah.. um.. No actually. These are for my girl." I say motioning towards the beach.

"Oh? She a coach or a fan?"

"Coach actually. Maisie Collins." I bite out, but force a smile to be polite.

"No shit... Noah let you date his little sister?" he laughs and then looks over to the beach and smirks. I don't like the way he smirks. "Maisie and I used to compete together when we were kids. I even tried to ask her out once after a competition where she kicked my ass. Noah punched me right in the jaw." he laughs rubbing his stubble as if he can still feel the hit.