Falling Together

New Job

Maisie

I was sitting on the couch reading a book while my dad watched TV. Noah and Dax went out earlier today so it was nice just sitting at home with my dad. My dad was flipping through channels when my phone pinged from the table. I flipped my book over in my lap and looked to see I had an email. It was from Boba, my old Surf instructor.

I smiled as I read through it and started clapping giddily as I finished. "Yay!"

My dad smiles at me "What's got you so happy?"

"I just heard back from Boba!"

"Your old surf coach?"

"Yeah! I ran into him at the beach a while back and he said he might have a job for me. Help other kids learn to surf like he did for me. Turns out he has the job! I can start on Monday!"

My dad is smiling but it's strained. Suddenly I'm not sure if being excited is the right emotion. "Is this at the same program? The youth center?"

"Yes." I say waiting for him to go on. He looks like he wants to say more but seems to shake it off and simply smiles instead.

"That is great sweetie. I didn't want you at the shop anyways after the fire. I'm glad that you found something else that will still make you so happy."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm still going to work at the shop."

Now my dad lets his unhappy face take over. "Maisie. You don't need to be working two jobs. I provide for us plenty. You don't need to be rushing into anything. Take this time to gather your bearings before you get so overwhelmed."

"Dad.. it's not overwhelming. I will work at the kids center three days a week, and spend most of the time at the beach. And then I'll do two days a week at the shop."

"You make it sound easy but it could still get stressful." He says looking at me like he doesn't think I'm taking it seriously.

I have to stop myself and take a deep breath. My dad has seen me at my worst. He was there when I woke up that first day and couldn't do anything but scream or jump when a pen dropped. He knows how bad it can get. But I also know that I am nowhere near how I was that day. Sometimes it's hard to tell the people you love that you're just having a bad day. After seeing you at your worst they don't understand that regular bad days can just be that.

I try to think about it from his point of view for a second. I'm his baby girl. He watched over me in the hospital for a week straight, alone, thinking that I could die at any moment. Then, when I came here to Samoa I could still barely hold myself together. Things got better with Dax, but the fear and anxieties I have would never really be gone.

Something my doctor told me before I came here flashed in my mind. She said, " People with your condition have to remember, nobody knows your own mind better than you. Not the doctors or shrinks, although they are sure to try and shove it down your throat that they know what's best." she giggled, "If you're ready to try again you'll know it. If you're not you'll know. People will try to hold you back thinking it's helping or force you into it thinking the same thing. But only YOU know where you're at." she had said.

At the time I thought she was giving one of those don't worry, everything will get better type of speeches. But now I see that in this moment, I probably wouldn't know what to do or how to handle this if she hadn't said what she did.

Well, I suppose that's not entirely true. I know exactly what I would do. I would cave and stick to one job just like my dad is asking me. But I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't do this. I love working at the shop with my dad. And I've always loved being in the ocean.