Falling Together

You Didn't Know Did you?

Dax

Maisie and I had woken up this morning with just enough time to get her to work and for me to get ready to go to the garage. It was amazing to us because usually we are ready hours ahead of time because we can't sleep.

Maisie explained to me that she took on a new job with Boba as a child's surf instructor. It made sense that she would enjoy doing that, especially because she was so good at it. I was excited for her.

But all the excitement I felt disappeared when I dropped her off at the beach rec center. There was a lot of kids in a circle. Boba and a few other adults stood in the center of the circle smiling and having a grand old time.

My chest started pounding. The logo on their shirts flashed my nightmares before my eyes. I wanted to jump out of the car and pull Maisie back to the safety of my apartment. Before I could even think of that as an option she was out of sight.

The distant sounds of screaming haunted the back of my mind. I looked around for Maisie again but the screams were getting louder. I had to get out of here. I have to remember that it's all in my head, Maisie will be fine.

"Daxxx!!"

Shit. No. I need to get out of here.

I hit the gas and peel away from the beach. I don't even know how I do it but eventually I reach the street where the shop is. It is back to its former glory from before the fire and vandalism and it almost feels like a completely normal day. But its not and as i try to pull into the parking lotof the shop i lose my grip on reality

DAX! The screams yell. I hit the steering wheel. "No! no No No No NO!!" I yell trying to smack the voices out of my head.

Dax!

Everybody go!

Dax! Dax!

Help!

Dax!

Run!

Everyone's voices from that day are filling my head and I'm screaming at them to go away.

"Dax!" A voice yells. Something is different about this voice. It's not distant. It's here. It's here... here.

"Dax look at me son."

I fight my eyes to open even though I didn't realize I had screwed them closed. My hands are pulling at my hair and I have tears streaming down my face.

"Let Go Dax." The voice repeats.

I can feel the person trying to pry my fingers from my hair and I lash out. "NO!" I say as I push it away.

"Dax!" Another voice says. "Come on brother. Come back." It says calmly.

I start to focus. I gotta stop. I gotta come out of this. I count in my head. I do the math till I can remember where I'm at. I look at them from my peripheral vision and take deep breaths.

Lotto is holding onto the steering wheel trying to keep my from turning it different directions when I freaked out, because of course flashbacks don't wait for me to cut the engine in the car off. I can see that my emergency brake is pulled.

Noah is on the other side of me leaning over the passenger side and pulling out my truck keys from the ignition and holding onto my shoulder with his other hand.

"You didn't know where her new job was, did you?" Noah asks, looking at me carefully.

I'm still out of breath. I don't bother trying to speak. I'll just stutter and choke on my words. I shake my head instead.

"Go on boys. Come back after lunch." Lotto says letting go of the wheel and looking straight at me. I'm still not looking at either of them. I'm just staring at my hands on the wheel.

Usually when I'm triggered I'd go to Maisie. She would know exactly what to say to pull me out.

But now Maisie was my trigger... or at least a part of it. What in the hell was I supposed to do now?

Noah

Dax has been my best friend since the moment we met. He was the brother I never had. Id never tell Maisie but I never had friends growing up. It was an endless cycle of missing my little sister and just waiting for her to come back home again. At school I pretty much hung out with teachers or the twins. My cousins and I were always pretty close.

But when Dax came to the Island I finally made a friend that was mine. It made sense to everyone around us that the two kids who didn't have any other friends would at least be friends with each other but it was more than that.

The bond that we found together was instant and powerful. Like I had known him all my life. Like we really were brothers. And he saved me from myself in more ways than he could ever know. My teachers would miss the old and quiet me that I was after Dax and I met, but I never would.

I glanced over at my best friend and saw his eyes red and tears streaming from his eyes, and even as gross as I found the snot coming from his nose, the only thing i could see was his pain.

"Dax, Talk to me brother. Don't stay in your head right now." I say. One of the worst things we let Dax do when he lost his mother was pull away from us. And he ended up pulling away so much that we almost lost him forever. I wasn't about to let him pull away again now. "Come on man, talk to me." I push.

He takes a few shaky breaths and then wipes at his face violently. "I cant..." he says through sobs. The sound of his choking voice is killing me.

"Yes you can, Dax. You're stronger than all of this." I try to reassure.

"No man! I cant fucking do this again! I can't watch all of this shit happen again!" he screams and lashes out punching at the dashboard in front of him over and over again.

"Hey hey!" I shout trying to help him calm down and reach to stop him. He's losing control so bad I pull the car over and wrestle with his hands to get him to stop hitting the dash. His knuckles have split in a few places and his screams are gut wrenching. "It's not going to happen again! What happened was a freak accident Dax. It wasn't your fault and its not going to happen again." I yell trying to get through to him.

"You don't know that! No one knows for sure what's going to happen! That's the thing that's kept me from heeling. That no matter how awful it was to lose my mom and those kids. The only thing we can do make sure it doesn't happen again is to prepare FOR it to happen again. And this time I have to prepare for it to happen to Maisie. And I just cant fucking do that man." he chokes.

Dax is my brother. I want to tell him he's wrong, but at this moment I know he's not. I look out over the dashboard. I use to be able to tell myself that I'd never known Dax's pain and that all I can do is be there to tell him he's wrong. But after Maisie's accident that pain and anger worked its way into my soul too, and now I didn't know what words would comfort my friend. Because no words could comfort me either.

So I put the car in drive, and pulled back into traffic.