Falling Together

We Fell Together

Maisie

"Oh Dax.." I was sobbing as I listened to him recount his story. His mother died a hero. And even if he didn't see it, even Dax had done so much that day to save other peoples lives. I never imagined that this would be his story. So much pain, fear, and all of it still happening....

I look around us at the fields. I can see the anxiety rippling through the field now that I'm looking for it. There are games everywhere but parents are yelling for their kids to stay close. Their eyes are moving back and forth and some are even a little jumpy at the sound of a ball hitting a mitt not too far away.

"After that things changed. I changed." Dax says bringing my attention back to him. His eyes were red with tears and he looked destroyed from reliving what happened. " People wanted to be there for me but I didn't care about being the positive Dax that everyone knew anymore."

He sniffles and wipes his face with his shirt, and then takes a deep breath. I try to force myself to take one too because I didn't even realize I had been holding it till I saw him breathe.

"I was having awful nightmares. The doctors prescribed me pills to help sleep. One night not long after I decided all I wanted to do was be with my mom.." He looks at me ashamed before dropping his eyes and taking my hands. "I took the whole bottle. And when I didn't show up for dinner with Noah and Lotto they went looking for me. They found me.." he chokes on his words and then he falls to his knees still holding my hands.

"If it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here. And I promised them when I woke up that I'd never do that to them again. So I haven't, But that's the real reason I don't take sleeping pills anymore. Not just because they make me to foggy, but because that urge to just take the whole bottle is still there on my bad days, and I made a promise to Noah he'd never have to see me in the hospital like that again.. And I wont hurt him."

"Dax.. I'm so sorry.. I don't even know what to say. Is that what's been triggering you this past week? That I'm coaching?"

He nods gently before looking up to meet my eyes. The man that I find staring into me is filled with fear and worry. Is this what I've been doing to him?

"But this time it was the fear of losing you. Its forced me to come back here and face things I've avoided everyday since I lost my mother. I don't want to keep you from being a coach. If I'm being honest I'm so proud of you.." he says taking my hand and brushing my hair out of my face. "I don't know if you noticed at all, but when you were on the beach people screamed and cheered and touched you as they said their goodbyes and you didn't even notice. It didn't trigger you like it has these past few months."

I think back to the high fives from strangers or hugs from parents and the amount of times I smiled.. I didn't even think about New York at all.. He was right.

"Being here helped heal parts of you and you didn't even notice. It even helped me heal pieces of myself. You loved me with PTSD and all. You made me feel not alone anymore even though I had people by my side every day. Thank you for that Maisie." 

"There you are!" Noah says walking up from behind us, "You cant just up and leave me with Brett! Seriously I can't hit people today of all days and this guy is practically drawing a target on his stupid little face!" he spits annoyed.

Dax and I both let out a tiny laugh, as inappropriate as the comment ay seem it was just the ice breaker that the tense moment needed. 

"I see you finally know." Noah says with a small smile and a nod at the table behind us. I see my dad walk up beside us and put a strong hand on Dax and Noah in turn before looking at me to see how I'm feeling.

I take a deep breath and nod as I turn to look over the pictures. "There's so much loss, yet so many families came back. They must be terrified.." I say scanning the fields again.

"It shook the foundation of our community to its Core. For awhile no one even wanted to go to get groceries. But we Samoans, We are stronger than we look. And that is saying something because we look pretty darn strong don't you think?" he says with a wink.

"The man responsible was a tourist having a midlife crisis. He was sentenced to life without possibility of parole. It was justice, but it wasn't enough at first. We couldn't heal because we didn't understand why.. what would make you come here and hurt families you never knew?" Dax said straining out the words that even now I found myself asking..

I asked myself why all the time. Why would men who never had any reason to hurt me suddenly want to end my life.. to cause me pain.. 

"I spend a lot of my time still asking those questions myself.." I say leaning on Dax's shoulder.

"They are questions we will never get answered. And I am so sorry to both of you for that." My dad says pulling Dax and I both into his chest for a hug. "But please hear me when I tell you how incredibly proud I am of both of you! No matter what, you're here and you are stronger than you have been in so long!" 

"You really are." Noah says as he gives me a side hug. I smile and take a deep breath and look to Dax. we stare at each other for a few seconds before he nods his head and takes a breath too. 

"Yeah, I guess we are." he says smiling. He looks to the picture of him and his mother on the table and then up to the sky. "I hope I'm making you proud to mom."

My dad wraps Dax in his arms and Noah steps in close to spread the strength of his arms around them both. Watching them heal and support each other reminds me of the one thing I had started to forget.

This is family, blood or not, if there is a problem we fought together.

We stood together.

And this was a fight Dax and I would never have to go through alone again.