You understand me - Minsung

Chapter 2

Minho has been through his day as he always did: tiredly and forcefully.

He went to each one of his classes, most of them being theory classes, telling the history of dance, which was supposed to be Minho's passion. But he doesn't like it, and it always makes him feel guilty, and concerned. Why is he so uninterested in the things he used to like? Is there even things that he likes?

He shook it off, taking his sweet time to walk around the university, meeting unexpectedly with Chan and Changbin as always. They were laughing their asses off, and he walked to them, filling his mood rise subtly, internally grateful for their longing presence.

"Linoo!" Changbin called, happy to see his friend as he tapped his back softly.

"How was your day grandpa?" Chan said as he chuckled at Minho's offended glare.

"Mmh, boring" Minho said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Everything seems boring from your perspective" Changbin said jokingly.

Minho knew he was joking, but he was right. It was something that had been taunting him lately. He was tired of everything, every single thing in his life was way too boring. He didn't hold Changbin accountable for stabbing exactly where it hurts because the boy knew nothing about Minho's whereabouts, he just shrugged it off, looking as bored as ever.

He didn't answered Changbin's joke, but they didn't mind, they were used to it.

"Shall we go to the cafe ? Our classes ended" Chan asked, Changbin nodding and the two looking apprehensively at Minho, hoping their friend would accept even if they knew deep down the chances were low.

"Another day" Minho simply answered, not wanting to come and ruin whatever good mood they were in.

"Alright" Chan said, a little disappointed, but still flashing him a smile. Minho's felt bad at disappointing him. 

Why am I always a disappointment to everyone?

"What are you doing this evening then?" Changbin asked the boy as the two started to walk away from the university grounds.

"Sink myself in my bed and wait for a natural death to come at me" Minho said cynically, making laughs come out of their friends. That was Minho's really special humor, no one really understood it, but it always made his two friends laugh a lot.

"Seems like a good evening" Chan said sartiscally, as he waved him goodbye along with Changbin, separating to go to the said cafe. Minho didn't wave back, it wasn't needed anymore to force himself that kind of unnatural behavior, and he left, walking slowly to his house, the way feeling profusely boring without the sweet sound of his music ringing in his ears at an oversafe volume.

As he arrived home, he felt all the tiredness that accumulated through the day fall in his body, wanting nothing more than to crawl into his covers and stay there for the whole rest of the day. With a bit of luck, he may sleep and never wake up again.

As always, he sighed as he fell on his bed lazily. He didn't want to eat nor study. Evenings were always harsh to him, the weight of the world falling into him.

He rolled in his bed as he looked at the ceiling, his mind completely evaporating from the world, and staring blankly into nothingness, numbingly.

He didn't realize that hours passed, until his mother knocked on his door, calling him to force some food down his system. Minho nodded, going to the kitchen and greeting his father, who looked worriedly at him.

Minho's relation with his dad had been degrading since they heard about Minho's mental health situation. His parents were really good to him, always had been, but they were a bit lost on how they should handle the situation. His mother did everything in her power to keep the boy active, always being sure to not cross his boy boundaries and let him still independently live. 

His dad, he didn't know how to handle it. He was deeply confused about whatever Minho was feeling, and he acted with him as if he was made out of porcelain, scared to say anything that would bring him to combust. And what could have been a nice thing to do, was worse in Minho's perspective. What they used to have, a nice father and son relationship where they were always in their own little world and joking around, had become a stranger to stranger relation, the two of them just greeting each other by nodding their head, and exchanging nothing more than daily banalities.

"How was your day honey?" Aeri said, a beautiful smile merging on her face, a smile that was way too similar to his son's. A smile she missed so much.

"Same day as the others" Minho answered simply, not wanting to share with her the deepness of his numbness to not worry her more than she already is.

"Did you meet Chan today?" She tried again, just wanting Minho to open up a bit

"Yes" He answered simply, cutting the conversation short.

But he quickly felt bad. His mom was just trying to help him out, and he was being ungrateful.

Why do you keep fucking everything up?

 He watched as his parents continued eating in silence, not daring to break Minho from his peaceful eating. He sighed, his hands shaking slightly, as he stood up, thanking his parents for the dinner, and walking to his room.

As everyday, the pills had worn off at the end of the day, Minho feeling the weight of his illness crushing him down, tightening his stomach forcefully. He hated that feeling, the one of his real condition that wasn't hidden by the stupid pills he had to take on a daily basis. This was his true self, his worries slowly creeping in his mind, the stinging feeling of tears wanting to prickle at his eyes and fall down.

He fell to his bed, not wanting to take a shower or brush his teeth even if he knew he would feel guilty about it later, and his head fell on his sweet pillow.

He closed his eyes, searching for a deep slumber that he couldn't find for hours, tossing and turning, wanting desesperatly nothing more than a good night sleep.