You understand me - Minsung

Chapter 6

New day, same habits. He woke up, got ready, took his pill and ran to school. Same things every day. Tiring, isn't it?

He was a bit late this time, so he didn't have time to greet his friends before going to class, this time, he just ran to class, deciding to greet them later.

His class was as boring as they're used to, same shit about the same part of history. Some unknown people created some dance moves he didn't care about.

Why is it so uninteresting

He felt freed as he walked through the corridors, wanting nothing more than to meet Chan and Changbin so they could distract him.

He met them, but he felt a bit disappointed that Jisung wasn't there. He looked a bit around him, trying to spot him somewhere.

"Are you looking for someone?" Chan asked, a teasing smirk creating in his face

"Just checking if Jisung is going to spook us again" Minho explained, not wanting to tell his friends how much he was wanting to meet him.

"Yeah right" Chan answered, just to annoy Minho, who glared at him creepily.

They ate with a small talk, helping Minho soothe his mind a bit, but it couldn't last forever, and Minho had to go to class eventually. Back to the deepness of his boredom.

It was just at the end of the day that Minho had the chance to finally come across Jisung, the boy calling him.

"Oh Minho!" Jisung said as he spotted the boy walking and he walked to him, a boy Minho had never seen before following him closely.

Minho stopped in his tracks and waited for the boy to join him, curious about what the boy wanted to say.

He looks cute with those glasses on him

"I was waiting for this!" Jisung said excitedly, pushing the boy that was following him in front of Minho, happily.

"This is Jaehyun, my boyfriend" Jisung introduced, a delicate and endearing smile appearing on his face at the mention of his lover. A pang was felt in Minho's heart.

Oh, boyfriend

"Oh" Minho let out, shifting to look at the mentioned boy "Hello" Minho said monotonously, as the boy looked at him, puzzled.

He answered with a 'hello' too, not really understanding why Minho looked so weirded out. Jisung chuckled to himself, the awkwardness of the situation funny to him.

"Don't mind him, he kinda is in another dimension" Jisung clarified to his boyfriend, Minho actually being thankful that the situation wasn't going to be more awkward than he actually felt.

"I'm Minho" He said, blinking rapidly

"I've heard" He said, chuckling softly "Jisung wanted me to meet his friends" He continued, not knowing what to say

"Cool" Minho said, not able to bear with the situation anymore "See ya" He said, as he left suddenly. Jisung didn't question it, it happened frequently.

Of course, what was Minho thinking?

He wasn't actually catching feelings for Jisung, right?

Of course the boy couldn't be single. He was insanely pretty, a literal comical, a contagious enthusiast, Jisung was everything close to perfection.

Minho sighed as he walked back home, annoyed that he forgot his headphones again. He didn't know why, but today he didn't feel completely empty. A sudden feeling was growing in him, something that was making his stomach churn uncomfortably.

His boyfriend?

He frowned, not wanting the sadness in him to wake up from its slumber.

As he arrived home, he felt like he couldn't move anymore. Every move was hurting him, just taking his shoes off needed an extreme amount of energy.

He went to his room, not answering his mother who greeted him. He threw himself on his bed and didn't move.

He didn't cry, Minho hasn't cried since he was on his pills. But he felt like shit.

The antidepressants were supposed to make him numb to any emotions, they were supposed to stop the intrusive thought to join his mind and play with his brain. Why weren't they effective right now? Why did he feel like the sadness was holding him tightly, whispering in his ear that it wouldn't leave his side, saying that it will bring him down?

He hadn't felt that feeling in so long. He hated it. He wanted it to stop.

After a few hours, his mother knocked at the door. She wanted him to leave his room, she wasn't relaxed at the fact that Minho closed himself in his room. She was concerned, too much.

"Min, come eat" She said, trying to cheer up a bit to not show her son the worry.

"Mmh" Minho muttered, slowly getting up and unlocking his door. He opened the door and stared at his mother.

"I'm not hungry" He said flatly.

She looked at him and her face fell a bit. He looked so bad.

"Eat something light, come on" She said as she softly took his hand and led him to the dining table. Minho didn't protest, he didn't have the energy to anyway.

But he wasn't eating. He had brought his fork to his mouth 3 times in a whole 30 minutes, the other time he was just pushing the food on his plate with his fork, playing with it.

A deafening silence engulfed the room. She didn't know what to say and her husband wasn't feeling like saying anything, scared to trigger his son. When he finished eating, he left the room, leaving Minho and his mother all alone.

"Mom" Minho asked, his voice not above a whisper

"Yes honey?" She said as she looked at him softly.

"Why can't I feel happy?" He asked, his voice cracking a bit as he stared at the food he was playing with his fork.

"Oh my child" She said as she stood up to engulf Minho in a big hug.

Minho didn't move, didn't react, didn't cry. Even the warm hug of his mother couldn't bring him any comfort. He felt like his whole body was cold, freezing, and that nothing could bring him heat anymore. It was like he was a lost soul inside of a dead body.

TW

He got out of his mother's arms, feeling breathless because of the contact, and he left the room, going upstairs and entering his bathroom.

He looked at himself in the mirror, seeing how dead he looked and he sighed. He opened the tap and threw water at his face, as if he was trying to wake up from the sudden down he felt, but it didn't work.

He crouched down, and opened the little package that was laying in his father's stuff. He looked at it and stood up.

He looked at the razor blade in his hand, his head empty, as if he was doing everything in an automatic manner.

He started fiddling with his pants, trying to get them down and he did as he sat down on the little chair.

He looked at his thighs, the ones that were scarred from Minho's bad habits, and he looked back at the blade, slowly bringing it to his leg.

As he was going to draw on his thigh with the blade, he heard a knock at the door, his mother calling him.

He went out of his trance, looking at himself and at what he was about to do, and he panicked. He threw the blade away and brought his pants up in one go, his hands shaking and his breath scattered.

He opened the door, seeing his mother there, her eyes glistening.

"Everything's alright?" She asked, her voice wavering, as if she knew what Minho was doing.

Minho nodded reassuringly, and she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

You're worrying her so much. You don't deserve her.

He muttered a good night, and joined his room, where a dreamless night was waiting for him.