You understand me - Minsung

Chapter 10

A week after the party, Minho didn't feel better.

What was harder was seeing his friend group grow bigger, and it could have been a nice thing if they weren't all flirty and cuddly with each other.

Chan was in a relationship for a few years with Jeongin, but his boyfriend wasn't at the same college, so at least he didn't have to live through the painful sight of the two kissing every second of the day. But Changbin and Felix started dating after their kiss at the party, they were sticking to each other disgustingly. Hyunjin and Seungmin were obviously onto something, they were way too flirty to be platonic, even though no one really knew about their whereabouts.

Jisung was always sticking to Minho, when Jaehyun wasn't with him. The two had two different friend groups. Jisung usually ate with Minho and his friends, but sometimes, Jaehyun would join them and Minho had to see the two look lovingly at each other. He hated that so much.

Minho and Jisung sat by each other in the cafeteria, as they're used to.

But since the party, Minho wasn't feeling the best. He decided that he needed to take that third pill, the one he had to take at lunch, so he discreetly brought a hand to his bag, bringing it to his thigh and searching for it. Usually, Jisung was talking with someone else, so Minho knew he could take his pills without anyone realizing. But as he started fiddling with the container and took the pill in his hand, his gaze rose, and he saw by his side. He saw Jisung's widened eyes at what Minho had in his hands. He saw the terrified expression on his face.

Minho gulped in anxiety, as he quickly threw it in his mouth and gulped it without water in a hurry. His heart was beating way too fast, he needed to go away right now.

"I forgot I had a dance class.. like right now... sorry" Minho said as he left in a hurry, leaving all of his friends in a deep confusion. 

Jisung didn't say anything and froze in his seat. They looked at him in worry, but Jisung just shrugged.

Minho spent the rest of the day avoiding Jisung. He didn't know what Jisung had seen or understood from the pills, but there was no way he was about to talk to him about it. But all the efforts came to an end as he crossed Jisung's path as he left college, seeing that the boy was waiting for him. Jisung waved at him, and walked to him. Minho gulped and looked at the ground, keeping on walking.

"I'll walk with you" Jisung said, looking at the ground too and following Minho in the streets.

"I know them" Jisung started, referring to the pills, and Minho's head suddenly turned to the boy

"What are you talking about" Minho said, an angry tone lacing his voice.

Just shut up please

"The pills. I understand." He simply said and Minho's face fell. He never wanted his friends to know about his struggle, even less Jisung.

You have no idea how hard it is

Why are you lying to me

"You don't" He just answered, the sentence coming more harsh than he wanted to.

"I do" Jisung said as he took a big scattered breath "I used to take them" He added and Minho stopped in his tracks and looked at him, his eyes filled with concern.

Jisung didn't say anything. He grabbed Minho's hand and brought him to a close bench. They sat down, staying silent for a moment before Jisung started explaining.

"During highschool, I took antidepressants. I was diagnosed with depression really early, and I was in a really bad state of mind" He said as he chuckled bitterly "But as time went by, I wasn't getting better, so I changed therapists, I've seen many of them. Now I stopped taking them, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety, and I take the pills for this specific trouble. I feel better now" Jisung said as he turned to Minho with a smile.

"Anxiety?" Minho breathed out in shock

"Yes. I still struggle a lot with it, but better than before" Jisung said as his eyes glistened

"I've never seen it" Minho muttered.

Somehow, he felt guilty. He felt bad that he never realized. Jisung seemed so extroverted, so energetic, never he would have known he could have anxiety.

"Because I hide it well" He said with a chuckle "And I feel safe around the people I love, it helps me relax" He added as he squeezed Minho's hand.

So... He feels relaxed with me? I'm apart of the people he loves?

"I didn't thought you were struggling so much" Jisung added "You're so strong"

Minho had to gulped hardly to hold back the tears. He thanked Jisung so much for not pitying him.

"I always had felt a bit down" Minho started, frowning and stopped glacing at him "And after... something that happened... My mom forced me into therapy, and I've been there for a year or so. I was diagnosed with d-de--" He stuttered and coughed, shaking his head "with this, and since that moment, I kept on gulping down theses pills as if anything would change" He sighed.

"You can't see if they're effective, you'll just know they worked when it gets better. That's why it's so frustrating" Jisung explained, saying the words that Minho wanted to hear. He didn't say anything as he stared in Jisung's eyes.

"It isn't easy, and it's terrible to not be able to feel. But it's for the better, soon you'll be able to feel everything, and mostly happiness. You'll see, that is the most amazing thing" Jisung said with stars in his eyes as Minho melted at the words. "I can't wait to see happiness in you"

He understands me

He knows how it is

Minho smiled, a sincere smile, full of gratitude. Jisung smiled back. He had never seen such a sight on Minho, but he was content. He thought that Minho deserved everything, and wanted to help him through his goal.

"The others... Do they know?" Jisung asked

"They don't" Minho said, his smile falling 

"Not even Chan?"

"Please, don't tell them" he pleaded.

"Of course" Jisung said, as he grinned at the boy "But I'm sure they doubt something is up"

"I know... They tried to talk to me" Minho said, but he didn't want to bring justifications. He just truly didn't want his friends to know.

After their deep talk, they walked together until they had to seperate, the two going to their own homes.

"Bye Ji" Minho simply said, as Jisung patted his shoulder

"Have a nice evening, and know that you can trust me Min" Jisung said

Minho couldn't be able to describe the warmth he felt all over his body. The way his heart starting beating faster at the simple words Jisung just said. He simply nodded and gave him a little smile, little but sincere, and he walked home.