You understand me - Minsung

Chapter 17

Time flew by, and things were slowly getting better.

Minho stopped avoiding them, and started acting more like he was used to. He acted as if everything was slowly coming back correctly, even if in his head, Minho was slowly destroying himself.

The problem is that he started to fall into lies. He lied to everyone, to his mother, to his friends, even to his therapist. He would say that he had been feeling good lately, that his head was free from threatening thoughts and that his relationships were going well, when it wasn't the truth. He haven't been taking his pills correctly, and he slowly fell into a deeper madness.

Minho has been even worse than before, but he was acting so well that no one doubted.

Even Jisung, who knew too well what it was. Jisung really thought that Minho was getting better because he started talking more, grinning more, being around them more. Jisung was blinded by the happiness it brought him to think that Minho was healing. But he wasn't. He was worsening and no one was seeing any of it.

Even if everything seemed to get better, something had to mess up. Reality had to come back and grab Minho by the collar, bringing him even deeper into hell.

And everything came crashing down, because no one that is mentally unstable can act perfectly stable without consequences.

As they were hanging out together in some park, Minho was lying down in the grass, appreciating the sun on his skin as their friends were having stupid conversations he wasn't listening to, to deep in his thoughts.

"Where's Jisung?" Hyunjin asked. Minho started listening to their conversation at the mention of the boy.

"Isn't he coming?" Chan responded

"He was supposed to be there 20 minutes earlier" Hyunjin said, feeling uneasy.

Minho stressed a bit at the information, he didn't like the idea that something was wrong with his beloved squirrel. 

"Wasn't he at Jae's house?" Felix asked and Minho rolled his eyes.

"I think so" Seungmin answered

"Everything's alright, Hannie just getting drilled, he'll get there soon" Changbin joked and the group fell into some laughter.

Minho hated when they said that, every mention of Jaehyun could piss him off easily. If there was one thing he didn't want to hear about, it was Jisung's sex life with his boyfriend.

What they were really not expecting was seeing Jisung arrive, with red and puffy eyes, a pout constant in his face.

Minho panicked, he immediately sat up and looked at the boy, concern flooding out of him.

Felix was the first one to react, he ran to Jisung engulfed him in a hug, as they slowly sat down on the grass.

"What happened Jisungie?" Felix asked as Jisung's lips started trembling. Minho had never seen such a heart breaking sight.

Suddenly, he broke into sobs.

Everyone reacted, they all approached him and started patting his head, others joining the hug and trying to comfort the boy as much as they could.

Minho sat down in front of him, taking his hand and massaging it with his thumb.

"Jaehyun..." Jisung said as he stuttered, choking on his sobs

"He bro- broke up with me" Jisung blurted out as he cried even harder.

Minho widened his eyes at the information.

Suddenly, the world stopped around him as he fell into his thoughts.

That boy had the guts to break up with Jisung? What's wrong with him?

Anger was the first thing that came through his mind. How could Jaehyun do that to his precious squirrel? Minho would have done anything to be at his spot.

But then, he fell into hopeful thoughts. 

Then... Jisung is single?

That means I can have more time with him? Maybe he'll like me?

As he started dreaming about it, a small smile appeared on his face, a hopeful smile.

The problem is that it was just a sincere smile. A smile that showed how happy the single thought of having a chance with Jisung was making him. It was so innocent, but so stupid.

Because Jisung's harsh voice shook him off his dreams

"You're fucking smiling?" Jisung asked, narrowing his eyes at Minho as he snatched his hand out of Minho's grasp, fury suddenly growing in Jisung's eyes

Suddenly, he realized how fucked up it was. His best friend just told him that he was sad because his boyfriend broke his heart, and Minho had a sincere smile on his face, as if he was mocking him for his desesperation.

"Wait, no I-" Minho tried to explain as he panicked, shaking his head violently, trying to gather his thoughts

"You fucking insensitive asshole" Jisung screamed, more tears flooding out of his eyes as he stood up abruptly. He left, running, with more cries emanating from him.

Minho couldn't keep his eyes off him, as he slowly disappeared from his sight.

He was shaken up

What the fuck just happened

I fucked up

again

He looked around himself, seeing how his friends were narrowing their eyes at him.

"Why would you do that?" Chan asked with a soft voice

"That was so wrong Minho" Felix harshly said as he stood up, running after Jisung.

Minho gulped loudly, trying to keep his tears to himself, as he stood up slowly, silently gathered his stuff, and left, walking painfully slowly under the burning stares of his friends. A real walk of shame.

TW

Minho had never felt that bad.

He couldn't even put words into his feelings, he felt completely destroyed.

As he arrived home, he closed himself in his bathroom. He took his pants off and sat in the bathtub, his arms around his knees as he stared at nothing. His hands kept on shaking, he wasn't able to stop that and didn't try to.

He freed his legs, as he laid completely in the bathtub, picking the razor blade in his hand.

His head empty and confused, he started scribbling with the blade on his thighs, drawing blood. He went harsh on himself, drawing lines that were deeper and larger than usual. He hissed at the pain, seeing how the bathtub started getting colored by the deep red color.

He started crying after a few minutes, hot tears escaping and he wasn't able to stop them.

He had never been so violent in his self harm. He had never wanted to disappear from the world so much than right now.

Everything was crumbling down.