Tulips

17. Missing Piece.

Freen.

"...You go out with women? What kind of a person are you! That is not normal!... This family doesn't have... Those! You're carrying my name so Fix yourself!..."

Those were the exact words of my dad on his very rare visit to me a month and a half ago. After knowing who he is in my life and him giving me the things I need, I tried to make him proud. I worked hard and build a name for myself. I now own a FS wine & alcohol inc distributing business, the FS booze - wine & alcohol shop and the Equinox bar & restaurant. Despite it's success, he never acknowledge it.

My half siblings said the same thing. He's tough as a steel. They even advised me that one thing I shouldn't do is to disappoint him. Well, he just knew he had another daughter a few years ago and she had already been a disappointment.

I decided to try and straight my path. I started dating guys but none of them spark my interest. Then I met Richie. He's different from them. Aside from not wanting to get in my pants, he is genuinely kind and caring. I thought of giving him a chance but wanted to build a friendship first.

I already had a plan formed in my mind. Just like how I planned my businesses.

But then I accidentally met Becky. She swayed me from my path, a glitch to my plans. That night wasn't supposed to happen. I sometimes wonder if I met her when I wasn't drunk, would I feel the same way as now? It did crossed my mind to wish I wasn't drunk that night.

I chose not to look for her after that night. To forget about it and think of it as just like a relapse. But then fate has a different plan, making us meet again at the Equinox.

Meeting her again sort of switch something in me. Seeing her more closely, watching her makes me want her. I don't know if it's the alcohol in me again that urged me to kiss her. A mistake I shouldn't have done.

Now I'm in a deep mess. I want to do everything what my dad wants me to do, but I kept wanting to be with her. I thought at first it's just about the drunk sex that I couldn't remember, that I might be just wanting her for more. But now, it's as if she's a drug I didn't tend to take. I got too intoxicated and became addicted that I kept looking for her.

This trip was supposed to be making me feel refreshed and somehow forgot my worries and problems... But what I felt was a whirlwind of emotions.

I somehow sense that she feels the same but she stated clearly that she wants to stay away from me. I can't really force myself to her.

Then It became too much to bear. Everything comes down on me like drilling me down to the ground. I found myself seeking for her to console me. So I hugged her, what surprised me is when she hugged me back, I felt lighter. Like somehow I don't feel alone. As if I'm building a lego desperately searching for that one small piece to complete it.

I found her, my missing piece.

Why! Why her? Richie hugged me before but I never felt that with him. He consoled me a few times but never felt this light.

So when she drove me home and was about to say goodbye... I could no longer help it. Me wanting to feel that light again overpowers the plan I had.

I kissed her. Just light on the lips. I felt a little light but it's not enough. So I hugged her tight. An explosion of emotions went through me. Something heavy lifted off my chest. The surroundings felt brighter. My body felt lighter.

"Becky... My missing piece." I whispered then began to sob.

Becky, who a few seconds ago were surprised when I kissed her, were now hugging me back and consoling me.

"Cry Freen. Let it all out. I'm just here."

That made me cry more. I cried like I've never cried before. I cried for the grief of losing my mom, I cried for the disappointment I gave my dad, I cried for how weak I am emotionally and mentally and I cried for how I long for her but circumstances won't let us be together.

She turned off the engine, moved the seat back so that I could lean on her better. I was now on her lap and my head is resting on her shoulders, while she's still hugging me. She's caressing my hair and was now humming. I smiled as I recognized the song she's humming. I was able to calm down, yet I didn't moved.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. Not until she said:

"Uhm Freen, sorry but I could no longer feel my legs."

"Oh shit... Sorry." I immediately went back to my seat.

She grimace as she felt the pain more now that I'm off her. She stretched her feet.

"Should I massage it?" I was about to hold her legs but she stopped me.

"No! No, it's okay. I just need the blood to circulate. Wait..."

She opened up the door and got out and I did the same. I went over to her and watch her as she stretched her legs.

This fine girl is hard to find yet I... Why did you came at the wrong time?

After a minute of stretching...

"I think It's now back from the dead."

I laughed at her. "Back from the dead?"

"Yeah. It felt so lifeless and cold I even lost control over it. But it's fine now."

"You sure? Or do you need resuscitation?" I smiled at her.

She was surprised. She's so cute as she jogged in place showing it's really fine now.

"No. I'm fine now, see?"

"Okay. If you say so." I then stared at her and she did the same.

She then shook her head and said: "I better go. It's very late."

She then walked back to her car. My body wants to stop her but my mind says no. When she opened the car I hurriedly went to her, spun her to face me and kissed her. It was a slow kiss at first but I kissed her more passionately.

I then let go of her lips. Tears are dreading to drop as I was about to do what I've been dreading to do. I whispered to her. "You're right, we should stay away from each other."

I kissed her one last time. Went over tot he other side of the car, get my bag and ran inside the house to my room. I closed my door, dropped my bag, dropped to my knees and cried.

A minute later, I haven't heard her drove off so I silently went to the terrace, hid behind the pillar and looked down. She was still standing there. She then slowly walked backwards and leaned her back on her car. She was just there standing and staring at I don't know what.

She then quickly turn and got into her car. I clenched my hands over the railings as trying to control myself not to come after her as I watch her drove away.

There goes my missing piece... I wonder if I'll be able to be whole again.