Tulips

59. Home.

Becky.

Freen was tired every night but still make sure she'll stop by for dinner. Sometimes when she's really tired I force her to stay the night. She would give in since my place is closer to her office than her house.
She'll just go back to her house to get some clothes. Now she's been staying here for a week straight.

If I'm not too tired, I cook for her. When I'm tired we just order or she'll buy food on her way home.

Every night I make sure to make her a relaxing bath. I found a relaxing aromatic candles when I went shopping with Nam days ago. I light those candles, fill in the tub with water, put in bath bombs and finalizing it by putting some lavender oil. It's perfect for a relaxing and stress free bath.

On the first night I made this for her she was ecstatic and excited. She even said I spoil her too much. Most of the time I joined her and we end up making love.

Living together was great but one thing that we didn't anticipate is that people would be waiting for her whenever she arrives or go to work. At the early hours of the morning there's always someone there waiting for her.

But overall, I like how it feels. I'm getting used to having her around. Her hugs and kisses everytime she goes home, before sleeping and before she goes to work. I like having her scent on the pillows, the look of her clothes on my closet even the sight of her scattered shoes whenever she comes home.

So this is how it feels like living together. Yet everytime I remember that soon she'll be away for months, I can't help but think that living together would make it even more harder once she left. I'm so used to having her around too much that I feel like I'll get sick just by thinking she'll leave soon.

One Wednesday afternoon Freen called me. I was making a bouquet when I answered it.

"Hi Baby. Guess what? We're done with the planning. We've done double checking it as well with the team here and in US."

I put the phone between my cheek and shoulder. Sad to think that means she'll leave early. I then continued finishing the bouquet when I replied.

"Wow. That's great." I tried my best to sound cheerful even though I feel disappointed. "Earlier than expected."

"Yeah. We got the best team. So we could even go on our getaway early like tomorrow. Flight is not until Monday next next week so we have 11 days!" She sound so excited.

My mood began to lift up, drowning the thought I had earlier of her leaving soon.

"That is indeed a great news!" I said excitedly. But then I remember my schedule for the next days. "Shoot! I still have an event on Friday morning and I can't close tomorrow in such a short notice."

"Oh, you do..." She sounds disappointed.

"You know what, that's okay. I'll just close the shop tomorrow and have..." I said quickly cause I don't really want to disappoint her.

"Oh no you don't. You don't have to do that. It's fine. I got nothing to do so I'll just help you out."

I was surprised to hear that. "You will?"

"Yes. Of course. But can I start working a bit late? I..."

"Of course babe. You need to get a lot more sleep. You barely sleep long these days."

"I wonder why I sleep late." She said teasing.

"Well If you just keep your hands to yourself maybe you could sleep earlier."

"Oh really? is it just me who have to keep my hands to myself?"

"Well... Me too... But it's mostly...."

"Yeah I got it baby. Just teasing you. Hahaha. Well.... what can I do? I have a hot girlfriend that's so irresistible..."

"Look who's talking. I'm the one who's lucky to have a popular gorgeous pretty girlfriend." After I said that I happen to look ahead and realized that people are looking at me. They seem to hear me for most of them were either smiling or giggling. I quickly turn around suddenly my face felt warm.

"Shoot the customers must've heard me. I just realized they're staring and smiling at me." I said in almost a whisper.

She laughed at me. "You go and attend to your nosy customers. I'll talk to Heng. I'll go now. See yah later baby."

"See yah!"

"Okay. Bye!" I waited for her to say something more but she didn't and hung up the call.

I can't deny that I'm somewhat disappointed. These past few weeks our relationship have gotten deeper, yet I sometimes wonder if it feels the same for her.

I remember telling her I love her and I understand she's not ready to say it back. I can't help to wonder if she does love me. Everytime she calls, at the end of it I sometimes wait if she'll say it. Sometimes at night when we say goodnight I wait too if she'll say it.

I voiced out this concern to Nam one day around lunch after we're done with shopping. First, I asked her if Heng already said he loved her. She said he did when she surprised her with flowers from my shop, a romantic date and sweet words of affirmation for all her worries.

Right after hearing that, I broke down. I told her about what's troubling me. She said Heng told her that Freen never really had a serious relationship before so he haven't see her like this. She must be not used to saying her feelings out loud.

She said 'Why do you still doubt her feelings when you're already living together. Do you think she stays with you just because your house is nearer to her office? Moving in with you is a huge step and that says a lot. Freen lives in a mansion with servants, having all the comforts there and yet she goes home to you.'

Nam does have a point. I then remembered something Freen said around dinner; 'To experiencing many FIRST together'. Nam's right, I am her first serious lover so she will also experience many 'first time' with me.

I shouldn't feel pressured. I could wait. Freen could say it whenever she's ready and I'll be so happy once I hear it from her.

"Ms. Becca?"

I snapped out of my thoughts as one of the staff called me. I pushed my worries aside and went back to work.