love me until i love myself / l.s

45

Trying to move on was much harder than Harry thought. However, other than his love life, Harry could say that things were going well. For example, he and his family were talking again- in fact, Harry was living with them, sleeping in his old childhood bed. He had also started working at the bakery nearby, which was kind of fun actually. He didn't really think that not stripping in front of weird men could actually be fun. Well, it was.

He did have to get up at 4AM but it was really entertaining making pastries and bread (especially now that he didn't have to work as a cashier). 

So yeah, shit was pretty simple. He was content with what he did and the people he was with, even if that meant that he hasn't seen Louis in forever. It's been almost a month since he took off and he hasn't heard a work from the famous Louis Tomlinson. 

Which was well, pretty off, since Louis and Eleanor always attended galas and charities, dressed in their fancy clothes and pretended being the happy couple. He was usually on the news too for his massive accomplishments and his success. Still, it was like he had disappeared from the face of the Earth.

He did speak to Louis' sister and Niall, though. Just to make sure that Louis was okay. He was surprised to hear that Louis was not doing that well. He did not really expect that since he was always so calm and behaved. He didn't ask anything else though, leaving the matter to be. Him and Louis were done because it would never work out and Louis had said it himself. Him and Harry were something temporary that would end very soon. So, Harry sped things up, not even sure if he could handle Louis 'breaking' up with him.

That was a sudden but not thoughtless decision. When Louis apologized that night after the gala, their last night together before Harry disappeared from Louis' life, Harry realized that their relationship or friendship with benefits or whatever thing they had going on anyways, was just a vicious circle.

It was always gonna be Harry, Louis' fuckboy and Louis, the most powerful man that Harry would never be worthy of. They were gonna fight and then apologize to each other leading to even more fucking heartache. If Harry always forgave Louis, then it would just be true what others said. Harry would simply be Louis' personal slut and that would be it.

The thing that threw Harry off the most, though, was the sudden 'I love you' that Louis had told him so randomly that day he was going to be late for dinner. It was so unexpected (and very welcomed, of course) but the thing is that it was the complete opposite from the 'why does it matter? we won't be together anyways' he had told him a few days later.

Life away was good though, so Harry at least didn't have to think about other shitty situations he could have gotten himself into.

 *

"So you know where Harry is." Louis simply stated, waiting for the younger man to reply. Instead, all he got in response was a dry gulp. Focusing his bright blue eyes on a document in front of him, he pressed his phone between his jaw and shoulder, signing the paper.

"Look, I don't have my entire day for you to answer me a simple yes or no question." he said in a bitter tone.

"I do know, but I cannot exactly tell you, because your sister will absolutely kill me." was Niall's response. Him and Louis were talking pretty regularly the past few months (not more than thrice every month) and the Irish lad might have let it slip that Harry was now working and not at a strip club. 

Having caught Louis' attention, he asked more eagerly and Niall knew he had fucked up. Louis wasn't supposed to know that, 'cause both Lottie and Harry had made it very clear that it would be for the best if he did not really know much about each other anymore, because what's the point, right?

''Yeah, whatever; I'll be in the car." Louis said, going to his car outside. He pulled a cigarette out of his packet that was in his pocket and pulled out his lighter. He lit the fag up and inhaled the smoke.

Back inside, Lottie looked at her boyfriend confused and Niall simply shrugged.

"Did you tell him anything?" she asked and the blonde man shook his head.

''No, but I don't understand why we have to hide it away from him. He's still in love with Harry and it's pretty obvious. Why don't we just tell him and let him decide what to do? Harry still sounded like he's not ready to let go of Louis just yet, so I don't see how we shouldn't get these two together. Also, Louis is much more happier and calm now.'' Niall pressed the matter and Lottie sighed at her boyfriend. 

''Harry doesn't want to see Louis and we have to respect that. As you said, Louis has been doing great and if Harry has changed his mind or he doesn't wanna be with Louis anymore and he is sad all over again? I am not doing this because Harry is a friend, but because Louis has been through a lot and i believe that it would be better if we let things go their way." she said and Niall sighed, 'cause Lottie might be right. However, Louis was obviously in love with Harry and the younger boy was obviously having mutual feelings. 

"You are right, but what if they are end game? What if Louis stays single for ages before him and Harry get together? Are we supposed to not tell ourselves that we didn't keep them apart?''

''What if they get together and they end up hating each other even more? Louis needs time and he is my brother and i know how pressed he is feeling right now and him and Harry will have a fallout. I'm literally rooting for them, but i think Louis needs time adjusting to his new lifestyle after the divorce.''