love me until i love myself / l.s

40

''Be ready, in thirty minutes we're leaving.'' Louis whispered at Eleanor, who turned her head confused to face her husband.

''What's the matter?'' she asked and she followed Louis, holding her gown, so she wouldn't step on the expensive fabric. Louis sighed and rolled his eyes at her question, sitting on the stool of the bar and ordered himself a scotch neat.

''For fuck's sake, will you answer me? I'm sick of you acting all mysterious and shit.'' she whisper-yelled next to him and Louis took a sip of his drink.

''Harry got upset over something and left. Are you happy now?'' he snapped at her and she giggled, covering her smirk with her hand. Louis just stared at his drink and took another sip, letting the burning liquor sit on his tongue for a while. He heard Eleanor ordering a glass of champagne for herself and the last thing he heard was her heels, as she walked back to the group of her gossiping 'friends'.

Harry was right. These people are just judging motherfuckers, who just got lucky. Louis knew he got lucky too. He had a good idea, that worked out in the end, but there are other thousands of young kids out there, who are brainstorming great ideas, but keep working at Mc Donalds. The people who got lucky out of their ideas are just a few, most of them were stolen or something and Harry was right. Who were they to judge him, them, when they are here because they were just lucky.

Louis really did think that Harry would have had fun tonight. Why would he invite him, if he knew people would attack him and make him feel like shit? He fucking loved Harry, okay? And the way he acted...God, it did piss Louis off. He acted childish and he knows that he shouldn't have called Harry crazy but he was just yelling and crying and Louis didn't know what else to say or how to handle the situation.

Fucking hell. All Louis wanted was for Harry to have fun. When he was gonna go home, he was going to apologize to the younger man immediately and tell him how sorry he was and how fucking unfair he acted. He wanted to beg for Harry's forgiveness if he had to. Because at the end of the day, Harry is the one, who is worthy of it all.

*

Louis didn't even bother knocking on Harry's door. In fact, he didn't even think about it. He just burst into the room, only to find Harry asleep on his bed and the younger man jumped up from his sleep, his heart pounding.

He took a few deep breaths, staring at Louis with wide eyes and the older man immediately regretted his action, 'cause he didn't even think about making his entrance noticeable.

''I thought you would be awake. I am so, so sorry.'' he apologized, and Harry could tell he was sorry by the frightened look in his eyes. The younger man simply nodded, sitting up properly and pulled his lower lip between his front teeth.

''What do you want?'' he asked, his voice cold and it reminded Louis of Harry's voice and behavior all those months ago. When they barely knew each other, only contact was physical and a couple of messages to arrange where and when they would fuck again. No feelings, no hurt, not this.

Not fucking this.

''To apologize.'' he stated and Harry rolled his eyes.

''No Harry, don't roll your eyes at me. Don't do this again. Just-just fucking hear me out for a second. I'm sorry I called you crazy and I am sorry that I didn't warn you about those jerks or that I blamed everything on you.'' Louis apologized and Harry just sat there, staring at the man.

What was he supposed to say anyways? Louis was right and he shouldn't apologize. Everything Harry has been doing for months was because he wanted to and not because Louis told him or ordered him to do.

''What do you want me to say here Louis?'' he asked and the older man just closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose and just shook his head, before blinking his eyes open, as if he was waking up from a dream, disappointment evident in his eyes.

''I don't fucking know, Harry. I just want you and me to be okay. I don't wanna think that I've hurt you in any way or that I made you feel like shit. I know that you're gonna call bullshit on me, but I really didn't mean all these things back there. I'd much rather sit here with you than join those fancy galas. These people are mean and bitter, but the thing is that I am just like them, Harry and that's what I do. I fucking hurt you I can't even take care of you the way I want-'' Louis was cut off by the younger man, who grabbed his hand and pulled him down, making him fall on Harry's bed and smashed their lips together. Louis made a surprised noise against the younger man's lips, but Harry placed his hand on the back of Louis' neck, holding him in place.

The older man immediately took hold of Harry's hand, gripping tightly at them and deepened the kiss, Harry moaned against his lips and Louis bit his lower lip. He pushed Harry's body against the mattress and the younger man smiled against Louis' lips but the older man pulled away, sitting on Harry's bed.

''I don't wanna take advantage of you.''

''What?'' Harry let out a laugh.

''I am serious, Harry. I don't know if you have forgiven me.''

''There is nothing to forgive, okay? You and me aren't in love or together in any way. You have been nothing, but good to me and all night I have been acting weird and well, kinda crazy. I don't know...I just have been so upset because those people were talking about me so awfully, like I was scrub or something and I think it's unfair, you know? I am a stripper, but this doesn't have to define me. Yes, we do fuck, but I am more than that and I just didn't want that fucking Gucci jacket to make me one of them. Maybe I am not as fancy or educated, but I am not such bitter knobs.'' Harry said and Louis nodded, understanding what the younger boy meant.

''I know, fuck Harry, I know. If I had known this would have happened, I wouldn't have brought you there with me. You're so much better than all of them in there. You're better than everyone here. You are more real and true to yourself than anyone I have ever met. You always are there and you listen and you just are fucking here when I need you. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you, but I am trying my best, okay?'' Louis admitted, his voice trembling and this was just so fucking shitty. He can't even remember the last time he cried, but he really felt like calling his mum and sobbing in her arms because he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to fucking do for once in his life.

His mind told him to just apologize, go to his room and try to make everything better with gifts, money, sex or whatever other shit he used to apologize to other people. But his heart told him to just give everything up and be for once in his life true to himself, and admit his feelings to Harry whatever the consequences were.

''I know. I'm sorry if I hurt you or anything, because I did act childish and you did not deserve it...not after everything you've done for me. My behavior was unjustified and unfair and I am really sorry, if I made you feel bad, because I wasn't really thinking straight.'' Harry said, his cheeks a crimson color.

''Well, I am tired of apologies. We're both sorry and we're good, right?'' Louis smiled and the younger man pressed his lips against Louis'.

''Yeah, we're good. Now can you please cuddle me?'' Harry asked and Louis simply nodded, wrapping an arm around the younger boy.

*

A/N next chapter will be MESSY