Maybe? In another life.

24. No Judgment

The astronomy tower was by far the best place to be if you wanted to admire the night sky. The cool air brushed past me making my skin shiver. The fresh air allowed me to breathe in and out calmly. Ever since getting my fathers letter I have felt apprehensive. I had not been able to read it. I did not want to do it on my own. There was only a single person I wanted by my side when I opened it. As I continued to wait I heard the door open and his poise steps ascending the stairs.

"You came." I whispered solemnly.

"You called." Regulus muttered quietly.

"Thank you." I smiled towards him.

"So what is it you needed?" He asked as he turned his head to look at me.

"I just need you. I need your comfort for when I read this." I explained as I showed him the crinkled envelope with the letter my father had sent me earlier this week. "I can not read it on my own." He smiled lightly as he beckoned me to take a seat on the edge of the tower.

"Do want me to read it to you?" Without answering I handed him the envelope. I began to pop my fingers in anticipation of what was written in the letter. Regulus placed a hand on my shoulder to reassure me he was there for me. I smiled and took in a deep breath. I nodded for him to proceed. "Let me know if you want me to stop reading alright?"

"I will." I responded before closing my eyes to allow myself to focus on the words that would come to life.

" To my dearest daughter Adeline,

I know that I am the last person you want to hear from right now but I need you to please let me explain things to you. I have tried to reach your mother to no avail. The amount of guilt I feel inside is eating me up and I regret everything I have done. Being without the both of you has opened my eyes to reality. I had changed from the man I once was to someone who I do not recognize. Thus, holding you up to such high expectations from such a young age.

All my life I spent thinking about how I did not want to turn into my parents. I see that I became so blinded by societal eyes that I did just that. I failed you both. I live in regret having lost you both. I did not value the two of you when I had you and now I have to learn to live with it. I know we could never all be together again but I do wish to build a new relationship with you my daughter. At least with the little time I have left.

-Your Father"

As I processed the written words I could not help but feel myself begin to shake. All the memories of the panics I had as a child began to resurface. The feeling of not being smart enough really had taken its toll on myself esteem.  That's all I had meant to my father growing up. If I was not the best I was nothing. I had to be perfect. I want to believe that this is a sincere apology. But how could you forgive someone who made you doubt yourself all your life? Even if I do forgive him I will never forget.

I felt a tear slip out from my tightly shut eyes. I did not dare make a single sobbing noise. I was to embarrassed to cry about a single letter especially in front of Regulus. I felt as his cold finger wiped the tear away before coming to a stop at my shoulder.

"Please do not cry. I am not very good at the whole consoling thing." He muttered awkwardly.

"I would not want to put you in that unfortunate position." I joked with a small smile. "What do you think I should do?"

"I still do not understand why you came to me for advice on this matter. You know I do not have the most loving relationship with my father or mother."

"That is the very reason. I need an unbiased opinion plus, I feel like I can connect with you on a different level. Does that make sense?"

"It does." He agreed before turning his attention to the shooting stars illuminating the night sky. "You remind me of the color blue Adeline. You are cool, calm, and collected. I feel at ease when I talk with you, I could be myself. In a sense we are very much alike. And I think...I like that."