bsd oneshots from ao3

(shin soukoku) scars and all

Atsushi and Akutagawa's relationship is complicated at best. Both young, naive, and frustrated, the two rivals turned to each other. While, on the battlefield and in the workplace, the two were seen as sworn enemies, they frequently took solace in each other after hours. Sexually, Atsushi and Akutagawa were both inexperienced and insecure teens who's relationship was strictly physical. They got off, and went their separate ways. No strings attached, and no feelings or talking. Only touch. Or so they thought.

Atsushi laid back, panting, into the sheets of the agency's apartment bed. Akutagawa flopped down beside him, still in a post sex haze, and the two stared up at the ceiling in silence. Only the sound of their heavy breathing filled the static room.
Suddenly, out of character, Akutagawa moved an arm to Atsushi's waist, still clothed in a shirt.

Atsushi kept his shirt on during sex for several reasons. For one, he was insecure of himself and his body. So very insecure. Since being taken in by agency, he had continued the eating habits of a starved orphan, and ate with gusto at every opportunity. However, since he now had food at every opportunity he wanted, rather than scraps, he had put on a bit of weight. Not much, but enough to cover his muscles with a layer of fat on his tummy that made him wince every time he looked in the mirror. Dazai had teased him about it previously, calling him a "chubby tiger", and since then, he decided to keep himself hidden. Two, his scars. Atsushi would rather not be reminded of his past, and looking at his scars was like tearing open old wounds all over again. He would rather die than subject Akutagawa, or anyone else for that matter, to the ugliness of his past injuries or show any signs of weakness.

Atsushi batted away Akutagawa's arm in an instant.

"What are you doing?" He stuttered, eyes wide with confusion and horror.

The last thing he wanted was his rival to see him naked, despite the fact that said rival was inside him a few short minutes ago. Akutagawa's eyebrows furrowed.

"God, weretiger. We just fucked, and now you don't even want me to touch you? You confuse me. You wear that stupid shirt every time, and I don't know why. It's not like YOU'RE the one who's ability depends on clothing." Akutagawa snapped, before turning away from Atsushi facing the other side of the bed.

Was there disappointment in his tone? Atsushi wasn't entirely sure. But did this imply that Akutagawa actually wanted to see him shirtless? He shook his head.

"Sorry. I didn't think you were even all that interested in that, anyway." Atsushi said quietly, turning to face Akutagawa's back.

The thing about Akutagawa was that he was thin. So, deathly thin. It reminded Atsushi of his days on the streets before the agency. Atsushi could see every bone in his spine as his eyes traced down to his ribs, which were visible on his sides. And how could he forget his jutting hip bones, especially noticeable when they...well, nevermind. Aktugawa's pale, bony frame was also littered with scars, but unlike Atsushi, he wore them with pride. They were reminders of violence and victories won in battle, and to Akutagawa, symbols of his strength. Or so Atsushi thought they were, anyway. Still, he was somewhat worried about Akutagawa and felt guilty.

"Hey, I'm sorry, ok? You...I just don't think you want to see me." He whispered, now inching closer to Akutagawa, breathing down his back.

"Well, I think it's only fair. I bare myself to you, and I don't know why you would think I wouldn't." Aktugawa snorted, before turning back around to face Atsushi.

His face was framed by the window beaming light inside, contrasted with the dark, tattered hair obscuring parts of his face. If Atsushi didn't know any better, he thought he almost looked pretty.

"Alright, but...don't, just don't say anything, ok? Please?" Atsushi said.

Before he could say anything else, Akutagawa's thin, spindly hands were making their way up his sides, slowly bringing Atsushi's shirt up to his chest. Atsushi sucked in, holding his breath, his face red. He had never been this intimate with anyone else, let alone the man he was supposed to loathe, and it felt vulnerable. Aktugawa said nothing, only stared down at Atsushi's chest with no discernible emotion. His hands didn't leave Atsushi's sides, but instead started rubbing up and down. With a finger, he began to trace Atsushi's stretch marks.

"Tiger stripes..." Akutagawa mused under his breath.

Atsushi was mortified.

"Alright, that's enough!" He yelped, pulling his shirt back down to cover himself. Aktugawa pulled his hands back in shock.

"Wait, what? What did I do wrong?" Akutagawa didn't sound mad like before, but confused.

"I just...I don't want anyone seeing that. I've gotten bigger, ok? And my scars are ugly. So just...get outta here. I thought that was the deal, anyway. I'm weak, and you have the one up on me." Hot tears welled in Atsushi's eyes. He would put this up there as one of the most embarrassing moments of his life.

Atsushi jumped when, instead of getting up to leave, Akutagawa placed a hand on the silver haired boy's cheek. He gently brushed a teardrop from under his eye. This was so unexpected, Atsushi immediately blinked away any remaining tears and stared back at the dark, concerned eyes before him.

"I think I have a confession to make, too. I wish...no, I want what you have, Atsushi." Aktugawa mumbled, before breaking eye contact and staring at the floor. He looked sad, and almost remorseful. But Atsushi couldn't understand why the great, powerful Aktugawa would want anything he had.

Still staring at the ground, Akutagawa continued.

"You're healthy, and Dazai loves you, and the agency loves you, and I wish...I wish I had what you had, ok? I wish I could look half as good as you do. My body, and my lungs..." He said, monotone, eyes covered by his messy bangs.

Atsushi had to pick up his jaw from the floor. He couldn't grasp that Akutagawa could ever be jealous of him. He didn't understand it. Sure, he had the ADA, but Akutagawa had an extremely powerful ability and was hardly as embarrassingly emotional as he was. He also couldn't believe that Akutagawa said he liked the way he looked.

"You-you think I look good? Are you serious?" Atsushi fumbled with his words before Aktugawa cut him off again.

"Yes! Yes! How many times do I have spell it out for your dumb ass! Your body is beautiful! You're a healthy weight, and you're filled out in all the right places, and the way that you glow when you talk about things, and your eyes, and, and..."

Atsushi promptly shut him up with a kiss. Not one filled with lust, but a gentle, kind, and eagar kiss. As a matter of fact, for all of their angry, hate filled sex, it was their first kiss. This was different.

Akutagawa's eyes widened before sighing into the kiss. When it was finally broken, Atsushi smiled at the ravenette, eyes beaming. Aktugawa's hands made their way once again to his sides, before ripping off his shirt button by button. Finally fully bared to the world and to his rival (lover?) Atsushi's breath hitched. Akutagawa wasted no time, burying his face between Atsushi's muscular pecs and pressing soft kisses down to his belly. He made sure to kiss every scar on his way down, pinching at his hip. He gently rubbed the largest scar on his side, before turning his attention back to Atsushi's soft middle and blowing a raspberry on his tummy. Atsushi giggled, and his heart leapt out of his chest.

"But you...you're beautiful too, you know? I think you're strong. Strongest person I know. You need to stay healthy. For me, anyway. What am I supposed to do with a rival who doesn't take care of himself?"

It was Akutagawa's turn to blush, his face turning beet red as Atsushi leaned in and kissed his shoulder.

"Scars and all?" Akutagawa whispered.

"Scars and all."

The two continued to worship each other's bodies like gods, pointing out every part they loved about each other's physiques, and sharing sloppy, inexperienced kisses. Akutagawa finally came clean about his lung problems, and Atsushi vowed to be with him every step of the way. They fell asleep in each other's arms, sharing that same agency apartment bed, whispering and giggling like little kids.

That next morning, when Dazai found them tangled together, he begrudgingly headed over to the ADA office and handed Ranpo 20 bucks. Ranpo had called it months ago.