bsd oneshots from ao3

(tanihara/Tachizaki angst) (The World Seemed To) Burn

Tanizaki still felt like a fool. So pathetic, believing that there was someone who thought of him as a priority -- someone for who he was the first option, and not the second or third or fourth. All the scenes playing inside his head over and over again.

Tachihara Michizo, from Port Mafia. Tachihara Michizo, the enemy, who fooled Tanizaki to the point that he thought it'd be a good idea to have an Agency's enemy as his secret lover. Every scene inside Tanizaki was a mess, destroyed and played with, yet his expression was calm. There was pain inside his eyes, it was noticeable, but he was used to being alone, after all. He was used to carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Congratulations, Tachihara," he had spoken. "You really were able to fool me. I've been stupid enough to believe in your deceptions, to believe in your love promises and fancy words, while you were only trying to achieve vengeance. I guess that's it is, though. I'm going to get used with the loneliness."

It still hurt. Tanizaki remembered turning around and slowly walking away. He remembered waiting for a word from Tachihara, the Hollywood romance movies playing in his head. Tachihara grabbing his wrist and screaming. Screaming that his words were true, that he loved everything about Tanizaki. That he didn't have a choice, except doing what he did. Blaming someone else, telling him the name of the boss, so Tanizaki could look for the villain who tried to destroy their love story.

But nothing happened. Tachihara stood there the whole time, without saying a word, until Tanizaki finally left. Sometimes silence was the worst. In that situation, Tachihara's silence was the worst. In that situation, Tachihara's silence meant that everything Tanizaki had spoken was true.

Or, if it wasn't... it'd mean that Tachihara didn't care enough to correct him.

"Your eyes, so peaceful... if I didn't know you enough, I wouldn't be able to know that those are the eyes of a warrior."

"I love you, more than the sun shines, and I will keep loving you, until after it explodes."

"I want to have a normal life with you. When this is over, I want to give you that. To give us that. We'll buy a house away from the city and we will live together there. We will adopt a couple of kids, I will see my smirk on one of them, and your kind smile on the another. This isn't the only future I had imagined, but... you're in all of them. Every single one. You're there. Your beautiful eyes and your sweet heart -- your heart, that surprisingly loves me back. Why would a heart like yours love a heart like mine?"

Lies. Filthy lies, just like the person who had told them. The words written in Tachihara's lazy calligraphy were burning, after Tanizaki reread them the last time, after a million others.

The scenes were playing inside his head, like a movie. The embarrassment Tachihara put him through -- his friends watching and laughing, while Tanizaki swore his love. While he told beautiful words, because he thought his feelings weren't one-sided.

"Why would he love you?" Tanizaki remembered one of his friends saying. "You're just another good, innocent boy. A pet, nothing more."

The anger fulfilled his heart once again, just like the first time he heard those words. A pet. Nothing more.

"Why would a heart like yours would love a heart like mine?", Tachihara had written.

He was right, even though he was probably lying.

The tears ran through Tanizaki's face. Tachihara used him. He only wanted to get to Yosano. He wanted to kill one of Tanizaki's best friends, so he could achieve his goal, and was using Tanizaki himself to get that. He was a filthy liar, who played with his feelings.

Then why did Tanizaki love him so much?

Why would a heart like his love a heart like Tachihara's?

[...]

Tachihara felt lonelier than usual. His friends were all talking and laughing -- unfortunately, their favorite topic was mocking Tanizaki.

"He's so stupid! Michizo isn't good at lying!" one of them spoke -- Tachihara didn't even pay attention on which one of them had said it, he only nodded, with a tiny (and fake) smile on his lips. He wanted to scream with them. He wanted to punch their faces until their smiles disappeared, and say that it wasn't a lie.

So he could say that Tanizaki was his sun. That he dreamed of living in a house with him and their hypothetical kids, away from everything. That all of the kisses were full of love and desire, just as he said. That all the words he had written on the old pieces of paper were sincere. That his feelings were sincere.

That seeing Tanizaki turning around and leaving was the hardest thing he had ever done. And he couldn't have done anything. The truth was, he intended to play with Tanizaki, at the beginning. Not for fun, but because he wanted his revenge. But the promises, the kisses, the nights they spent on Tanizaki's bed... they were true.

Tachihara couldn't have proved he was being honesty. And he decided not to do anything and to pretend he didn't regret anything. Then, Tanizaki would be able to move on. Tachihara bit his lip.

He didn't want Tanizaki to move on from him. He wanted to be enough, he wanted to be good. Good for him.

But he wasn't.

He was just a fucked up boy who was so used to destroying everything around him that he didn't learn how to do anything different from that.

"Aren't you coming, Michizo?" Jouno asked.

"I am."

Tachihara followed the others. If he could kept up with that illusion that he was saving the day, then maybe -- only maybe --, he could pretend that the flames of the parts of himself he burned daily didn't exist.

Obviously, pretending was the only thing he could do. Because Tanizaki's face, voice, touches and words were still very alive inside his head, screaming inside his head, amongst the fire.

The world seemed to burn, but only for Tachihara. Everyone else was there, living, as if nothing happened. And Tachihara decided to keep up with this fantasy, in order to keep his sanity.
(Story credits! > ranpoandpoe)