Cold Hands, Warm Heart ✧ Minsung ✧

#52

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The next day Felix arrived at Jisung's house and knocked on the door. Jisung answered and looked surprised to see Felix standing there. "Felix, what are you doing here?" Jisung asked.

"I'm sorry, I came here without warning you, but I wanted to talk to you, Ji." Felix replied, looking serious.

Jisung nodded and invited Felix in. They sat down on the couch

"You want to talk about ..." Jisung said, unsure of his own words.

Felix squeezed Jisung's hand reassuringly. "Yes, I do. It's okay, Ji." he said gently.

Jisung looked down at his hands, feeling ashamed and guilty. "Felix, I'm sorry," Jisung choked out, "I messed up."

Felix held him tight and rubbed his back. "Hey, it's okay. Just breathe. You can tell me what happened, everything will be fine, we will be fine."

Jisung hesitated before finally confessing, "Yesterday, at the party, I saw Minho in the bathroom, and he-" Jisung dryly swallowed, as he remembered last night. "He kissed me, and I... I didn't stop him. I'm so sorry."

Felix's expression darkened with anger and jealousy, he searched for something in Jisung's eyes as he lost himself. He took a deep breath trying to keep his voice calm for Jisung's sake. He knew he couldn't blame Jisung entirely for what had happened. He knew Minho was the one who had initiated it. Felix clenched his jaw. "I know you didn't mean to, but it still hurts, Jisung. Seeing you with someone else... it's hard," he said, his voice breaking slightly. "I know it's not entirely your fault, and I'm sorry that happened to you. You don't deserve to be treated that way." Felix said, reaching out to take Jisung's hand.

Jisung looked relieved but still guilty. "I'm sorry, Felix. I didn't mean to hurt you." He said as he shook his own head.

Felix hesitated, "You didn't want to do that... right?" his lower lip quivering in fear.

Jisung shook his head, feeling awful about himself that he couldn't look at Felix. "I can't believe I gave in so easily to his advances. I'm sorry, Felix. I- I still have thoughts about me and him... and it feels so wrong, because I'm with you... I should hate him... but I'm just conflicted." he said quietly.

Felix hugged him tightly. "It's okay, Ji. You made a mistake, but we can work through this together." Felix took a deep breath before speaking. "I forgive you for what happened with Minho."

Jisung smiled weakly, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. "Thank you, Felix. I really appreciate that."

"I'm willing to try and move past this. But I need to know that you're willing to do the same, please, promise me you won't let this happen again. I don't want to lose you." Felix said with a hint of concern.

Jisung nodded, his face buried in Felix's shoulder, "I promise, Felix. I won't let it happen again."

"But there's just one thing I want to ask you. If you avoid Minho, then we will be okay. He won't be able to stop you from learning to love me," Felix stated firmly. Since they were in a relationship Felix hoped that maybe his voice as the boyfriend would mean something.

Jisung's expression faltered, and Felix could see the hesitation in his eyes. "Honestly, Felix, I don't know, I'm trying... I mean, I kissed Minho because I felt something for him but it was a mistake..."

Felix felt his heart drop at Jisung's words. "What do you mean? Are you still in love with him?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

Jisung looked away, feeling ashamed. "I don't know..."

Felix furrowed his brows, almost unsatisfied and scared of where this was going, he couldn't help as a tear slowly trickled down from his eye. "Please don't be in love with him, Jisung..." Felix wasn't oblivious, he knew that there was no way possible Jisung got over Minho so quickly. But, when the person you were so helplessly in love with, ask for forgiveness. There's always time to fall in love, and Felix just hoped that he'd be able to teach Jisung how to. He couldn't help but form a heartbreaking pout as his tears flowed "I'm sorry I don't want to be mad because I can't control your feelings, but please...". And Felix cried.

"I just... I want to be honest with you... I enjoy your company, you, us... And everything happened so fast, I'm confused, maybe-" Jisung wanted to be honest with all his heart.

Felix cutted him, he realized what Jisung's words meant so he took Jisung's hand and squeezed it. "Ji, we can work through all of that together. I love you." His eyes and face were red from crying, almost pleading for Jisung's love.

Jisung's eyes filled with tears as he flinched at Felix's words. "I-..." he stuttered saying it back, because deep down he thought he wished he loved Felix in that way, but he was ashamed that maybe he only told himself he wanted to love Felix to push away the possibility of loving someone else, someone who he didn't want to love. "Felix, I want to..." Jisung's mind began to race as he looked into the younger's eyes, he was so conflicted. He felt nervous, he thought he could teach himself to love Felix in that way. Was he really trying to love Felix, or was he just using him as a way to avoid his true feelings for Minho? He was ashamed to admit it, but he knew deep down that he couldn't ignore those feelings forever. It hurted seeing Felix like that, vulnerable, he hated to hurt the younger. "I- I want to love you too, Felix.... But I don't know if I can now, I'm confused..." He admitted.

"You don't love... me?" Felix asked, tears streaming down his face., realizing what was happening.

"I do, I- I like you... I mean, I think..." Jisung said hesitantly, feeling guilty for making Felix suffer.

Felix felt a lump form in his throat as he slowly felt his own heart shatter. "I wish that love were true, Ji... But if it's not, then I can't force you to love me." And it hurted so much to realize those facts.

Jisung shook his head "I'm sorry..." He looked up at Felix, his eyes filled with sadness, all he can do is make the younger suffer more and more, he can't take anymore. "Honestly, I tried. I wanted to love you the same way. I just don't want to make you suffer anymore, and I don't want to lose you as a friend."

Felix stood up, feeling the tears prick at the corners of his eyes. "I don't want to lose you either, Jisung... But I can't keep holding onto something that isn't real. I need to move on, and maybe one day we can be friends again."

With that, Felix left Jisung's room, feeling his heart break into a million pieces.

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