Missing Peace | COMPLETED

Chapter 25

April 6

I groaned and cussed silently nang maalimpungatan ako. My head is hurting so, so bad. Pakiramdam ko pinupukpok ito ng martilyo nang ilang beses.

This is way worse than a hangover.

Bukod sa masakit ang ulo ko because of crying too much last night, nangangawit na rin ang katawan ko dahil nakatulog akong nakahiga na nakabayukyok. My one hand is still at my chest habang ang isa ay mahigpit na nakakapit sa blanket ko, desperately transferring the pain I had kagabi.

I don't know what happened last night – or a few hours earlier. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakatulog. But with my body's position when I woke up, halatang nakatulog ako habang iniinda ang sakit ng dibdib ko.

I move my body slowly dahil sa takot na baka biglang kumirot na lang ang dibdib ko at mahirapan na naman akong huminga kung bigla kong bibiglain ang katawan ko, plus the fact that my head hurts so bad.

I stared at my ceiling, blankly. Scenes flashes through my mind. On how excited I was as I prepared yesterday after getting his message, how I waited at the cafe, how Natacha came and revealed the truth, and how fast Raiker came to us.

Napapikit ako dala ng sakit and that's when I knew umiiyak na naman ako. Akala ko naubos na ang luha ko kagabi. I thought I'll only cry for him for one night. He's not even deserving of these tears.

Akala ko pagkagising ko, wala na yung sakit. Akala ko okay na ako ulit. Pero hindi pala. Tangina, hindi pala.

And closing my eyes was a wrong move. I saw clearly his face. Nakatatak na sa isip ko kung paano niya ako tingnan kahapon.

Mixed emotions were written on his face. Nandoon ang paghingi ng tawad, ang sakit, ang kaunting pag-asa and how I wish I am right when I still saw the love and care at his eyes while he's looking at me.

Hanggang ngayon, I couldn't think of a possible reason – his possible reason on why he did that. Ang kilala kong Raiker, he won't let anything and anyone hurt me, intentionally or not, he wouldn't want to hurt me, in any ways. But the Raiker I faced yesterday was way more different than him.

My mind is still clouded. Thoughts were still hair-wired. Tears still feel like rain. Questions still unanswered.

But then, I know I have to get up. I need to move forward. I couldn't let this pain and sadness eat me.

The whole world won't stop just because I'm in pain.

Hindi pwedeng habambuhay na lang akong mabuhay sa lungkot. A whole night of crying about him is enough.

Kinaya ko noon nang wala siya, I'm pretty sure kakayanin ko ulit.

I slowly get up from my bed, stretching my arms and legs. I went to my bathroom to do my morning rituals before I went back to fix my bed.

I open my curtains, letting the sunlight fill my room. I went to my kitchen and looked for anything I could cook to save myself from starving. I played a song and put up my hair like nothing happened.

I tried to revive the old Cams – the happier Cams. The Cams who's alone but happy and content. In short, me before I met Raiker.

Nagsalang lang ako ng pasta sa kitchen and prepare the ingredients for spaghetti. I decided to cook spaghetti because I have no other choice. Wala sa cabinet ko ang ingredients pang carbonara, malamang kinuha na naman ni Daphnie. I'm not a hater nor a lover of spaghetti naman, neutral lang.

Speaking of Daphnie, I think hindi pa siya nakakauwi sa condo niya from their trip with her boyfriend from somewhere I don't know. I don't know din kung kailan ang uwi niya. I didn't bother to ask because I'm not her responsibility naman.

Though alam kong mas magaan ang gabi ko kagabi kung nandito si Daphnie, she knows what to do. Specially sa chest pain thing ko.

Habang nakasalang ang kakainin ko, I don't want to do nothing while waiting so I start cleaning my unit. It's been a while na rin naman since I last fully clean my unit. Pero alam ko rin namang ginagaslight ko lang ang sarili ko.

In order to not feel the pain and betrayal, I kept myself busy and so breakdowns won't visit.

I was in the middle of vacuuming my living room's carpet when my unit's door suddenly open as if someone wants to barge in. Malakas at patulak ang pagkakabukas niyon, halatang nagmamadali at gustong makapasok ang nagbukas.

Hindi pa ako nakakareact when my girls – Daphnie with Lily and Millison barge in. Nagtutulakan pa sila at halos masubsob sa doorway ko para lang makapasok.

Pare-parehong nanlaki ang mga mata namin at bahagyang umawang ang bibig nang magkatinginan kaming lahat dahil sa senaryong nadatnan.