Termination of Desire

Kabanata 9

"I gave a second chance to cupid! But now, I'm left here feeling stupid! Oh, the way he makes me feel...that love isn't real. Cuuuupid is so dumb!"🎶

Umalingawngaw sa buong multi-purpose hall ang boses ko kasabay ng malakas na tugtog at hiyawan ng mga manonood.

Pumikit ako at mas dinama ang kanta habang umiindak.

"I look for his arrows every day. I guess he got lost or flew away. Waiting around is a waste. Been counting the days since November. Is loving as good as they say?"🎶

I tried not to dance too much because I wanted to have a clear diction. Pero dahil nakakaindak nga naman 'yung kanta at paboritong paborito ko pa, napapasayaw ako.

"Now I'm so lonely... Oh, I wish I'd find a lover that could hold me. Now I'm crying in my room.
So skeptical of love.But still, I want it more, more, more!"🎶

I opened my eyes only to see a black curtain that covered me here in the backstage area.

"I gave a second chance to cupid!"🎶

The moment I sang the chorus of the song, the crowd jumped and cheered...for Francine. Kitang-kita ko 'yon sa live streaming ni Mimi sa fb. Inutusan ko kasing mag-live siya at kuhanan si Francine habang kumakanta ako sa likod para makita ko kung ano'ng gagawin ko.

I love pop songs especially K-pop. Bata pa lamang ako nang mahiligan ko ang pagkanta at pagsayaw. Naaalala ko dati na maghapon ako sa harap ng laptop ko at ginagaya ang mga sayaw ng  K-pop girl groups. Ginagawa kong mic ang suklay at nagsusuot ng kung ano-ano.

I was like that every day, and I'm fine. That's my happiness. So, to sing and dance like this, even just at the back of the stage, while no one watches, is another level of achievement for me.

I never dreamed of becoming an idol or a celebrity, but I definitely love to sing and dance for people. I love it when they jump and sing along with me happily. Gaya ng nakikita ko ngayon na ginagawa ng crowd kay Francine.

"Cupid is so dumb..."🎶

Francine ended it with a cute pose and a wink. The crowd cheered more and applauded.

Habol ko ang hininga habang nakatitig sa screen ng phone ko. I smiled a bit. She looked like a K-pop idol having a solo concert. I'm happy for her. Now that I see these students cheering for her and liking her so much after that performance, it makes me a proud.

My smile became bitter. That was a small dream of mine. A dream that was fulfilled by my sister instead. Oo, masaya ako para sa kanya pero hindi ko maiwasang malungkot para sa sarili.

Ibinaba ko ang headphones ko sa leeg at tumungo. Instead of being on that stage, feeling elated, I was here in the backstage, so alone in the four corners of a room covered by a black curtain.

Mahaba akong bumuntong hininga at nagdesisyong lumabas na.

The crowd was still hyped when I went out. Hindi ko na 'yon masiyadong pinansin at naglakad na lang sa gilid.

"Hey!" sita ng isang babae na nabangga ko nang kaunti.

"Sorry." I bowed a bit and continued walking.

"Taba-taba kasi, dito pa dumaan!" inis na pahabol niyang sabi.

I stopped walking and turned my head a bit. They all looked at me like was some kind of disgusted shithole.

You're a fool, Frances. Do you really think these people will like you like your sister? That they're after you all because you can sing and dance well?

No. You'll never be. No one will ever like you because you're a big ducky.

Dumiretso na ako sa bleachers na lagi kong tambayan. Sa may malilim na parte, malapit na sa pathway sa itaas. Nanghihina akong umupo do'n at nagbukas ng yogurt sticks.