Termination of Desire

Kabanata 25

Do I like him?

Yes. I like him. I won't deny that to myself. I liked him then, and I'm still into him now. I would only fool myself if I said I didn't like him.

Maybe it's kind of ridiculous, but I considered Gunther my first love. Because he was the only one with whom I felt a different kind of love that no one else could give. At kahit ilang taon pa ang lumipas, nanatili 'yong nakabaon sa puso ko.

I was reserved. Never had a boyfriend. Never tried to date anyone. And it wasn't only because I was very busy with my chosen career. It's because I knew my heart belonged to someone already. He had my heart. So, I didn't have anything to give.

Hindi ako nakasagot no'ng gabing 'yon dahil natatakot ako, nag aalala sa maraming bagay. I'm afraid to know that he's only lying to me. I hurt him in the past. So there's no way he'll like me. The only reason I can think of is that he wants revenge. So he's plotting a trap for me to fall into. So that when I fall, he'll get his revenge.

That's possible, right?

It's been ten years for Pete's sake. Imposible namang wala siyang nagustuhang babae since then? He had years to date. He had plenty of women to date. So why would he still choose me? After all I've done?

"Aren't you going to Scentatique, Miss Ma'am?"

Mula sa pagkakatitig sa malaking glass window ay napalingon ako kay Helen. Hindi ko napansin na nandito pa rin pala siya. Siguro kung hindi siya nagsalita, hindi ko alam na may kasama pala ako.

My irrational thoughts are drowning me again.

"Do I have a meeting?" tanong ko at muling tumingin sa bintana.

"Yes. It's important."

Mas lalo kong kinagat ang kuko ko. How can I face him now?

"Is it really important?"

She sighed. "Yes it is."

I looked at her. She's seriously staring at me.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

Nakipagtitigan ako. Sa huli ay umiling ako.

"Tinatamad lang ako."

"Was there something happened last night? You were at the Esquivels's house."

I pulled my swivel chair close to my table and started manipulating my laptop.

"Nothing."

"He came...right? Nagkita kayo?"

"Only to discuss business. Nothing else. And it was accidentally. He didn't know I was there. He came to meet his parents. Coincidentally, I was there too."

"You think I believe that?"

Napatingin ako sa kanya at kumunot ang noo ko. Nanliliit ang mga mata niya sa akin. Like I was suspicious.

"What do you mean? Sinadya kong pumunta do'n? Dahil alam kong pupunta siya?"

"Maybe it's the other way around."

Napasinghap ako. "So you mean—"

"He went there on purpose. Because he knew you were going," she cut me off.

Napatawa ako, hindi makapaniwala. Tuluyan ko na siyang hinarap dahil sa sinabi niya.

"How could you say that?"

"I know men like him. He'll find a way to get to you. No matter the situation is."

Lalong kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.