Termination of Desire

Kabanata 26

"Frances!"

"Frances, wait!"

"Frances!"

Napabaling ako kay Gunther nang hilain niya ang pulso ko. Habol ko pa ang hininga galing sa pagtakbo at gano'n din siya. Nasa labas na kami ngayon ng city hall.

"Why the hell did you run away?" bakas ang gulat at pagkalito sa boses niya. "Why the hell are you crying?" dagdag niya sabay palis sa luhang tumakas sa pisngi ko.

My heart is pounding so badly that I don't even know where it's coming from. Maybe it comes from my running or...my feelings for him. Or maybe both.

I was in my most vulnerable state when he stared at me. His eyes mirrored mine when he noticed that. Lumambot ang kaninang matigas na ekspresyon niya.

"Did I scare you so bad?" mahinang sambit niya. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just..."

Hindi niya maituloy ang nais sabihin. Bahagyang humigpit ang hawak niya sa pulso ko.

"I just want to prove myself to you..."

"You're crazy..." bulong ko kasabay ng pamumuo ng luha sa mga mata ko. "You wanted to marry me that bad? Do you like me that much?"

"No," he whispered. "I love you."

Umawang ang mga labi ko habang nakatitig sa mga mata niya. He's weak when he said that. I can see the sincerity through his eyes. And now...I believe him. I believe him.

Mahabang katahimikan ang namayani sa pagitan namin hanggang sa unti-unti niyang ibinaba at tuluyang binitawan ang kamay ko. Lumunok ako at tinitigan ang mga kamay ko na kinukutkot ko. Maya-maya'y suminghap ako at tumingin sa madilim na kalsada.

I don't know what time it is now. But based on the silence of the night, I think it's past twelve.

"Do you want to grab some air?" mas kalmado na niyang tanong.

Napabaling ako sa kanya. He hides his hands on his pocket and purses his lips, waiting for my reaction.

Kalmado na kaming pareho ngayon, tila nahimasmasan sa mga nangyari. Wala sa sariling tumango ako sa offer niya. Maybe that's what we needed; to breath.

He guided me to his car and drove away. Nakatitig lang ako sa labas ng bintana all the time. I've calmed down and somehow felt comfortable now. Kahit na sa labas ako nakatingin ramdam ko ang pagsulya-sulyap ni Gunther sa akin.

It was a long, calm road trip with a soft sound of music serenading us. Gunther seemed relaxed. And his driving was just swift and slow, not minding that we were in the middle of the road, traveling at night, with an unknown destination.

And I admit that I liked it. For the very first time in my life, I've come to like long trips. Or maybe because it was him who I was with.

We finally arrived at a hill. Hindi pamilyar sa akin ang lugar kaya iginala ko ang mga mata ko. Nasa isang bangin pala kami.

"Where are we?" Nilingon ko siya.

"This place has the best fresh air," simpleng aniya bago lumabas.

Sumunod din ako. Pagkalabas na pagkalabas ko palang bumungad na sa akin ang malamig at preskong hangin at ang nagkikislapang city lights na matatanaw sa ibaba.

Saglit na napaawang ang mga labi ko. I didn't know there was a place like this. Back in Paris, I used to watch the sparkling city lights when I was on my veranda. Now it more feels like now.

Unti-unti kong isinarado ang pinto ng kotse at saka marahang humakbang ng dalawang beses. Niyakap ko ang sarili dahil sa malamig na paligid.

The view is really comforting.