Termination of Desire

Wakas

"When did you start to like me?" I asked Frances as I caressed her hair slowly.

She was lying on my chest. She renewed the blanket on her chest, covering her nakedness.

"Hmm...back in High school? When...you saved me that day," she said with a smile.

Nagsalubong nang bahagya ang mga kilay ko.

"Saved you that day?" I echoed, trying to figure out what she meant.

"Mm. You saved me that day. When I...tried to kill myself." She smiled bitterly.

Nahinto ako sa paghaplos sa buhok niya. I know that moment. I remember that day.

"I still didn't thank you for that. Thank you for saving me that day, love." Tiningala niya ako, may ngiti sa labi. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have been where I am now. I owe you my life. Although...it wasn't your intention to...save me, you still saved my life."

Hindi ako umimik at nanatiling nakatitig sa kanya. Humigpit ang kapit niya sa magkasalikop na mga kamay namin sa ibabaw ng tiyan ko.

Katahimikan ang namayani sa pagitan namin bago ako nagtanong.

"Why did you do that anyway?" I asked though I knew why.

Gusto ko lang marinig mula sa kanya.

She avoided my gaze and put her head back on my chest. Pinaglalaruan na niya ngayon ang kamay ko.

"Things...have been so tough that day. So tough and heavy that I could no longer bear it. Nagsama-sama at naipon lahat sa utak ko kaya...nagawa ko 'yon. I was thinking that...if I die that day, I won't have to feel everything. The judgements, criticisms, bullying, and jealousy. I then thought that it was the best option." Huminga siya nang malalim. "I became an errand girl, I couldn't make my parents proud and I was slowly losing my best friend. That depressed me. So, I did," humina ang boses niya at tinignan ang pinaglalaruang kamay ko.

"I didn't want to do that. But with everything that's been happening to me that day? It gave me no other choice. The pain that was inflicted on me wasn't bearable."

"I'm sorry," mahinang sabi ko.

Napatingin siya sa akin. Agad kong hinalikan ang noo niya.

"I'm sorry you had to experience that," bulong ko.

Umiling siya. "It wasn't your fault I had to experience that. Maybe it was destined to happen. Just imagine? Because of it, I met you?"

Lumayo ako sa kanya at tinitigan siya.

"We were destined to meet that day," aniya, may ngiti sa labi.

Hindi na ako nagsalita dahil nga siguro ay tama siya. Maybe it was destiny.

Gumalaw siya para dumapa sa dibdib ko. Ipinatong niya ang baba niya sa dalawang kamay niya na nakalapat sa dibdib ko at nakangiti niya akong pinanood.

I caressed her soft hair and inhaled its fragrance. She's really good at choosing fragrances that suit her.

"Ikaw? When did you start to like me?" nakangiti niyang tanong.

"Me?"

Tumango siya. Natawa ako at hinimas ang ulo niya.

"Kailan nga ba..."

✧✧✧

"Isn't that Zya?" Itinuro ni Van ang isa sa mga babaeng naglalakad.

She was holding a portable mini fan while talking to two other girls.

"Yeah," si Shaw ang sumagot. "Ang hot niyan p're! Date mo na!" Kinabig niya ako.