PARADISE OF THE DEVIL (GONCALVES 1)

Chapter 26

She was definitely not giving me choices but conditions.

There was no point. I couldn't expect Jair to marry me or even tell me he loves me and wants me. I could never give up anything for a person who I was not sure was ready to take me seriously in his life. I couldn't be his almost perfect when he couldn't even try to be the person worth choosing for.

Madam Goncalves was wasting her time talking to me about marriage and being a good wife when his son couldn't be an ideal husband himself.

Hindi ako makapaniwalang ito ang maabutan ko dito. Maybe Madam was just being overprotective but she was crossing the line and taking the lead in a wrong way.

Maybe she just misinterpreted everything. Jair told her that we were seeing each other but it was not true. This was really nonsense and pointless.

If he was not marrying Lilia then there was no possible way it should be me. I would just question his veracity with marriage if it was me. Years of knowing him were enough proof of me not getting swayed by Madam's assertion.

I didn't take it seriously but it'd been messing my head for a while now. Even when I was preparing for dinner, doing my laundry, and cleaning my room, I wasn't myself. Now that I was in my bed, I became more drowned in all my thoughts.

I refused to meet Jair. I refused to see him tonight. When we were leaving the tea party, I received a message he arrived, earlier than he planned to come back but I couldn't see him. I was afraid I might say something out of line or express something I didn't want to show.

He asked me about the conversation I had with his mom but I only said that I'd talk about it soon when we got the time to see each other. I needed time to think. I needed time to contemplate and weigh things. When I talked to him, I wanted it to be the time I was sure about what I wanted.

I was still thinking if I could go to Palawan with him, I thought that it was a good idea to go there and be able to talk solemnly. Maybe it was a chance for us to be clear about our relationship, it might end or not depending on his resolution.

Pumasok ako sa trabaho kinabukasan. It was a usual day at work and I was as busy as ever. I assumed that Jair was busy as well because he hadn't texted me yet today. Today was just normal when I thought that something would happen.

I didn't know. Maybe I was just expecting that something would change. I would be lying if I said that the conversation I shared with Madam didn't give me hope. I hoped that maybe Jair would become affectionate and act like he was going to marry me.

"Eden, half day ako ngayon," paalam ni Clover sa akin. "May event kasi sa pre school at hindi ako pwedeng mawala sa anak ko."

"See you tomorrow then," I said.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "Babawi ako bukas."

"Okay lang," sagot ko sa kanya at binigyan sya ng ngiti.

I'd do overtime again tonight. Hindi naman ako mag-iisa at mahihirapan kasi may ilang kasama naman ako. Kung wala akong iniiwasang isipin ay siguradong wala akong kagitingan at mapipilitan lang na mag-overtime work.

It was Thursday when Joerex asked me to go to the grocery with him. Clover said she'd work overtime for tonight so I was able to go home early. Nasa pinakamalapit lang na supermarket kami ni Joerex.

"Sasama ka ba kay Jair sa Sabado?" pagtatanong ni Joerex habang namimili kami ng mga spices.

"I don't know," I shrugged.

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa din ako sigurado. Nagdadalawang isip pa din ako at natatakot na hindi ko magustuhan ang magiging sagot nya sa akin. Hindi maganda ang kutob ko.