Safe & Sound//Sebastian Sallow

thirty-six.

Sebastian and I didn't speak much the rest of the night. I didn't really feel like talking and I don't think Sebastian really knew what to say. I made a small dinner and the two of us ate in bed in silence. After cleaning the dishes, I undressed and washed my clothes in the bathtub. I'd forgotten to buy a change of clothes while in London, so I'd be wearing the same thing for the third day in a row.

Sebastian tried to hold me as I fell asleep, but I wasn't ready to be close to him. I pulled away and moved to the edge of the bed, cocooning myself in the blanket. He got the hint and eventually let me be. My feelings were so conflicted; I wanted to be comforted, but I didn't want him to comfort me.

I tried sleeping, but nightmares waited for me again. I woke up covered in sweat and had to get out of the bed. I slowly got out of the bed, making sure not to wake Sebastian, and walked outside to the water. It was still chilly, but I found myself walking naked into the sea. The shock of the cold water washed through me, sending shivers up and down my spine, but I continued into the water until I was almost shoulder deep.

I stood in the cold water and let it rock me back and forth as the tide brought the water in and out. It would be so easy to lift my feet and let the water carry me out to sea, but I kept them planted and stayed in place. As much as I wanted to just escape my reality, I knew I couldn't.

"Thea?!" I turned and saw Sebastian standing in the doorway holding a lantern. "Thea, where are you," he yelled. I sighed and turned around to walk back to shore. I felt the chill of the water in my bones and found that I was shivering quite a bit as I reached the beach. "Thea!" Sebastian set the lantern down and ran over to me. "You're absolutely freezing," he said as he began rubbing my arms up and down quickly in an attempt to warm them. "What were you doing out there," he asked as he helped me back inside. I was shaking almost too much to walk.

"Needed to clear my head," I told him, my teeth chattering.

"Let's get you by the fire." Sebastian guided me inside and sat me down in front of the fireplace. He threw a few more logs into the dying fire and got the flames going again. I could feel the warmth begin to thaw me. "Stay here," he said before leaving the room. A moment later, he came back carrying our comforter. He draped it over my shoulders and I wrapped myself up in it.

"Th-thanks," I stuttered.

"Why would you go out there," he asked me as he sat down next to me.

"Don't know. Needed to clear my head."

"By giving yourself hypothermia?"

"You have no right to be upset with me," I said, shooting him an angry look.

"I know," he replied, his voice softening. "I'm just worried about you."

"I'm dealing with a lot," I said. I pulled the blanket around me tighter. Sebastian didn't say anything in response, but he sat next to me until I stopped shivering.

I stared at the fire and watched the flames dance in front of me. I tried to think of something to say to fill the silence, but I didn't even know where to begin.

"I don't know what to do to make this right," Sebastian eventually said.

"There's nothing that'll make this right," I told him. "You kept a huge part of your life from me and now I've been blindsided by it, as well as the consequences of it. I obviously don't blame Emery for any of this; he's just an innocent kid. I'm just mad that you essentially lied to me. And I'm mad that I didn't get to have a say in when I was ready for a child. We were supposed to have time together, just us, before even talking about kids."

"I didn't exactly get a say in any of this, either," he said.

"It's not the same and you know it, Sebastian. You've been ready for a family. I thought we had time."