Safe & Sound//Sebastian Sallow

thirty-nine.

The end of the school year came and I was pleasantly surprised to find that my students had come together to give me a gift to commemorate my first year. They'd learned about my new home and commissioned a hilarious painting of me surrounded by all of the creatures and enemies we'd talked about during the year. I laughed and cried when receiving it, grateful that I'd made a positive impression and impact on them.

Sebastian and I were still dealing with rebuilding trust in our relationship. He was trying really hard and I appreciated his effort, but it was still difficult for me to go back to how things were before I'd learned of Lira and Emery. With school being over, we'd moved our belongings to the cottage and were staying there for the summer. I spent my free time decorating and doing whatever I could to distract myself. The place looked immaculate, but I still found myself scrubbing the floors and dusting the shelves. I'd even taken to baking nonstop. The amount of muffins and breads I'd made was really getting out of hand.

"More loaves? We just got finished delivering the last batch you'd made," Sebastian said as he sat at the kitchen table. He'd helped me deliver baskets of baked goods to the people in the village just up the hill from us.

"This batch is for Ominis and Imelda," I informed him.

"Do they really need 6 loaves of bread? It'll go bad before they can eat it all."

"I suppose you're right," I sighed. Maybe I could send some to Poppy and Natsai.

"Will you sit down so we can talk?"

"What do you want to talk about?"

"You know what I want to talk about. You're not dealing with things. You've been distracting yourself since we got here and you've shut me out. Please talk to me, yell at me, just do something other than clean and bake," he pleaded. I washed my hands and sat at the table with him.

"You're right," I said. "I've not been dealing. In all honesty, I don't know how. I have this anger burning inside of me and I'm trying to not let it take over."

"I think you have to, otherwise it's just going to keep getting worse and you'll end up resenting me. So please, just lay into me. Tell me what you're holding back."

"Sebastian..."

"I can take it, Thea, if it means I can get the old you back. You're changing right in front of me and it's killing me to see."

"The old me isn't really an option anymore. She died the moment she became a step-mother."

"Does the thought of children really repulse you that much? Were you just lying to me when you said you'd think about kids?"

"I'm not repulsed by children," I snapped, my temper getting the best of me. "I'm repulsed by the fact that you lied to me about something so big. I keep trying to rationalize it in my head and put myself in your shoes, but I just can't. I can't fathom not bringing up something about myself that was so important."

"I've said that I'm sorry so many times! I've done nothing but dote on you and do whatever you ask of me to try and make it up to you. I thought we were heading in the right direction, especially after the day Ominis was here. You even said you didn't want to be mad anymore."

"Saying sorry doesn't mean shit, Sebastian. It doesn't erase the fact that you lied to me. And, I'll admit, I was feeling a bit better when Ominis was here, but that was just a distraction. Now that we're here together with no distractions, I can hardly think about anything but how mad I still am. I don't want to be, but I am."

"If saying sorry means nothing, what do you want from me? I'm trying, Thea, I really am."

"I don't know what I want," I confessed.