deceit • Han Seojun x Kang Soojin

34. heartbreak

34. heartbreak

Kang Soojin was seated on the cold floor of the parking lot. This was her go to place on days as these, but she had stopped visiting  ever since high school started. She hardly got time for herself, and the only silent places she visited was the library, studying her ass off only to end up alone and stranded.

She was a pathetic self-destrutive person, who could never think beyond herself and she knew she had to do something before these thoughts would take over her.

All she did lately was envelope herself in thoughts that would never leave her by herself. She tried to run away from those but apparently it did not matter where she was, these were going to follow her till hell and back.

But one person's company overshadowed the gruesome thoughts and Soojin pondered that when she was with Han Seojun, all she heard was her loud heartbeats, nothing else but her heart slowly betraying her.

First she liked Lee Suho, the guy who was her childhood friend, rather only friend since a long time who knew who she was for real. She asked him out. He rejected her. Rather he liked the new girl, the happy-go-lucky Lim Jugyeong.

Jugyeong was nice, Soojin could never deny that, but it was unfair how Jugyeong gets Suho and Seojun for being bullied her entire life and Soojin got deserted from anyone even after suffering silently. Even Su-ah chose Jugyeong, the class did, the school did, everyone did, and she would have gladly accepted that she was fated to be alone if Seojun had not interrupted her plans with his cocky stupid plan.

It was a simple plan, to make her miserable, but Soojin never felt miserable with him. Not once.

She waited, waited for the time Seojun would break her heart, or make her feel sorry for what she did, or anything remotely related to what he planned but every time, every single time she was with that idiot, all she felt was... She felt safe, wanted, like she belonged, like she was more than what she was pretending to be.

And as she sat now, drawing her knees closer to avoid being cold in the sparsely lit room, she sighed, thinking how easily she was ready to let him break her heart. She needed therapy, loads of it, because no one in their sane mind would ever be friends with a person who had ulterior motives for being a friend. But, when she had no one, Seojun was her chingu, even when it was fake and planned.

She liked it.

She liked being with someone, to have someone to fall back to, to smile and laugh, to eat warm noodles and make fun of the other, to stand besides them and know that they will be there. She remembered everything that happened this past month.

Every single moment she wanted to die, Seojun was there, stubbornly, stupidly, but he was there for her. Running away from the bad clan, singing in the karoke room, climbing nine stories, barging in her room and holding her, the hugs and the study meets, the breakdowns and smiles, the hand holding and the kisses, everything ringing in her mind.

How long was she going to pretend that she was fine and let others make a decision for her?

Soojin had a plan, when she had locked herself in for three days, that she would soon execute it but every time she thought of doing it, Seojun stood right in front of her like a brick wall.

"Here," Seojun forwarded the warm take-away coffee he had brought when he asked her to wait. He handed her the warm beverage and sat besides her, backs against the wall. "I brought you a decaf, since it is a bit too late to drink coffee and I did not want you to be awake the whole night," He turned to meet her eyes, "and then miss school again tomorrow." With that he gave her a smile, and took a sip of his coffee.