deceit • Han Seojun x Kang Soojin

47. a soulmate

Stranger, that's all I see
When I look into your eyes
A soulmate who wasn't meant to be

-a soulmate who wasn't meant to be (jess benko)

47. a soulmate

No one was ever ecstatic to see Kang Soojin. 

She had learned it the hard way. Her parents never cared, neither did her friends. She had no one waiting on her. And it did not matter to her. From a long time, Soojin had been okay—just okay—living by herself. It was okay to not have a close knit of friends, or loved ones, or something to love or a reason to live. That was how she lived for the entirety of her life. 

Alone.

She had stopped living on the validation of others. Or tried her really best to. The past decade was tough, but living and fending for herself had made her expect nothing from anyone and live her best life. Despite her life being simple and monotonous, she was glad that there was no one she expected from and nobody relied on her either. 

But, she always imagined what it would be to meet Han Seojun again. Despite knowing that it was impossible and impracticable to meet the celebrity, she had imagined the reunion a thousand times in her head. There were a range of scenarios she had drawn in her mind, from a hug to a handshake, an awkward encounter, a bickering start or even a kiss—that she blamed her lack of romance in her life—everything but silence.

Out of everything she thought their reunion would be, silence was not on the list. 

There were scenarios where she refused to talk to him but he would, or he did not and she'd initiate but a scenario where both of them pretended to not know each other and look like absolute strangers was not an anticipated reaction. 

That was exactly what they did, look at each other like they were strangers. Like they had no history, no feelings—nothing. He did not flinch at her presence, carrying the blank expressions he did when she first saw him. Soojin saw a reflection of her old self in that nonchalant face. She could see herself in that cold stare. He did not say anything, nor did he acknowledge his presence when Suho and Mr. Choi helped her with the files. 

He blinked away and the bubble of daze Soojin lived in all these years burst aloud. Her heart sank, she could not help but feel in the same dark place she was ten years ago. She had felt the same rejection she did when her father would—

This is not what she wanted. Meeting Han Seojun was meant to be a desire, a want and not a need. And her father was long forgotten—dead to her—and she should not let the past hold her again. It took a decade for her to gain some sanity, some dignity and there is no way she'd strip it down again. 

But it hurt. It hurt when the man she looked forward to meeting the most did not look back at her. And it was evident in her sad gaze that she still felt so stupid and small.

"Kang Soojin!" 

In all her teenage years, Kang Soojin always wanted Lee Suho to greet her with a smile. She often wished for the handsome boy to acknowledge her presence like it mattered. The way he'd lit up in front of Jugyeong, was what she wanted for herself—back then. That had been her trauma response for desperate need of love and validation. She had learned how silly she was in High School, dotting over a boy who never bothered to greet her back. She would be red in embarrassment every time she remembered how obssesed she was with Lee Suho and what she'd do to go back and change the timeline. 

There was no universe in which Lee Suho would smile and greet her back. 

Or so she thought.

Because before she could even raise her hand to wish him an awkward hello, Lee Suho had paved his way towards her and enveloped her in a hug.