deceit • Han Seojun x Kang Soojin

32. all at once

32. all at once

Kang Soojin had a bad day. Her normal days were when her father yelled at her, abused her and maybe hit her once or twice but this was not one of those days. The slap from last evening had given her a lip bruise, but she did not bother to hide it. Kang Soojin was lost, that day, she skipped school and also her tuitions. She visited the columbaria where they kept the ashes of her little brother. The place always kept Soojin grounded, the thought about dying one day made her uneasy and not because she feared death.

Rather she feared that no one would come visit her if she was dead.

The little Kang was kept in the prestigious place, a gold shiny urn and little plastic flowers which were now collecting dust. Soojin ran her fingers across the glass, the picture frame had her, a nine year old, holding her baby brother. She did not remember much about her childhood but this she did, death never leaves without imprinting trauma. Little Kang Soojin was only looking at the baby she had on her lap, and Soojin tilted her head, sighing as she kept her gaze on the urn and the kid who died before he could even see the world.

"Lucky you," She mumbled, wiping the tears and took another deep breath, "what I'd give to be you." 

"Don't say that." 

Soojin did not even have to turn to recognise that voice. She kept her teary gaze on the glass frame, which reflected her reddish eyes and a very handsome Lee Suho behind her. How he was this cool and handsome, she would never know but every time Suho walked by, Soojin found it even more difficult to breathe. 

"Don't say that, ever again." Lee Suho walked closer, she could feel him behind her. He placed the little flower, a tiny bud rather in the stand and touched the glass frame. "Baby Kang would not have want his noona to be miserable." He said, silence and Suho's soft voice, often a deadly combination. 

"Why are you here?" She asked, even though she knew the answer. She turned to see the boy in plain clothes, a white t-shirt over his khaki pants and hair neatly tucked. He was holding a rose, the other flower which she knew was for his mother who's ashes were also kept here. "Should you not be at school?" 

"I could ask you the same question." Suho replied, meeting Soojin's eyes, "and just because we are not friends anymore, won't stop me from visiting baby Kang on his deat-" Suho stopped, taking a deep breath while Soojin averted her gaze. They stood silently, none of them wanted to speak up, and after a couple of minutes, Suho placed the rose on the immediately next stand. The Kangs and Lees were neighbours since the kids were small, and hence when baby Kang died, they decided to place him next to Lee Suho's deceased mother in a way she could take care of the baby for them. 

Soojin turned to see Suho crying, fat tears falling on his cheeks as he touched his mother's nameplate and the frame which had his family, his mom and dad in love with him in their arms. She walked out of the place, now it was too depressing, especially since Suho was not her friend anymore. It was a constant reminder that Suho chose someone else over her, just like her parents chose their son over her. Their dead son over their live and present daughter. 

"Soojin, wait up." Suho called out to her from behind her, "let me drop you." 

Soojin held back her retort, she really wanted some peaceful time. This day was tough for her already, with her parents bickering at each other blaming themselves for their dead son and Soojin facing her childhood with regret and guilt. This was the only day she would want to sit in  a corner of her room and shut her ears and eyes, that way the day would pass by easier. 

"Thank you, but I can go on my own." Soojin told the panting Suho, he caught up to her in no time. "Also, don't pretend like you care for anybody than Jugyeong, Suho. Atleast not to me." She meant it, meeting his gaze. She walked past his car, and hugging herself, she walked out of sight while Suho watched the figure fade in the distance.