Connected

A Kindness

I tried to blink away tears or to at least turn so the people behind the glass couldn't see them fall, but my hands were still cuffed to the table in front of me. I buried my face in my arm, making do, and willed myself not to sob. Let them think you're just trying to sleep. But I could feel my arms shaking and my shoulders tense with every breath out.

I'm not sure how long I stayed like that. Eventually the crying stopped and I noticed just how heavy my eyelids actually felt. I blinked several times staring to the side at the corner next to the door. It blurred in and out of focus.

I jumped when a knocking on the table woke me up. "Oh, sorry."

My eyes squinted and focused on the officer in front of me. He was the one who had talked to Felix and Hyunjin at first. I think the Captain said his name was Seo.

He reached over and undid the handcuffs that were keeping me attached to the table. "Captain wants to know if you'd rather sleep here or in a cell. I didn't realize you were already asleep though."

I rubbed my wrists, noticing the red rings around both of them. "Does it matter?"

He shrugged, "Not to me. In here you're alone but sleeping at a weird angle. In a cell you would be able to lay down on a bench, but there is no guarantee that you would be alone."

I held my hands up, "And why the...?"

"Han and I both agree that you aren't dangerous. No point in keeping them on really."

"Oh."

"Captain doesn't know, if that was your next question."

"It wasn't. Honestly I was wondering what the odds of getting a bathroom break were?"

The corner of his mouth curved in a slight grin. "I think we can allow that. Han?"

Officer Han's voice filled the room through the loud speaker. "As long as she doesn't try to run off."

"Promise." I held my hand up.

Seo stood up straighter, "Well, let's go then."

When we exited the room, Seo took the point leading me to the bathroom. Han took up the rear, following close behind the two of us. They both stopped a few doors down, Seo motioned for me to go ahead inside. Then they both took up position on the outside of the doorway.

It was a small two-stalled bathroom, without windows. I quickly used the bathroom then stood in front of the mirror. The person looking back at me now was very different from the person who had stared back at me several hours before. This person had hair everywhere, tear tracks ran down their face, and their eyes were puffy. I sighed and left that person in the mirror.

Both officers were standing outside the bathroom when I walked out. "Done?" Seo said.

I nodded and he continued. "Did you decide on the room or the cell?"

"The room, I think. No one else will be around."

He motioned back the way we came, "The better choice I think as well."

The three of us walked back to the interrogation room and they let me back inside, without cuffing me back to the table. I sat back down in the chair.

Seo began to close the door, but Han held a finger up, "Oh wait just a minute." He sprinted off down the hall. Seo paused with the door open.

"Why are the two of you being so nice to me?"

My question seemed to catch him off guard and he rubbed the back of his neck, "Well..." His eyes looked down the hall. "The Captain can be an ass sometimes, just like you said. His comment was a bit out of line. Plus, Jisung and I both agree that you pose no threat to our safety."

"How do you figure that?"

He glanced back into the room. "You said it yourself. You wanted to be caught, plus you haven't struggled or fought back in any way. You have accepted that you broke the law, and you are prepared to receive the consequences."

I nodded, and heard feet in the hallway. Han came through the door with a long piece of cloth in his arms. "It's not the greatest thing in the world, but it's clean at least."

He handed it off to me, "Oh... Thank you."

He nodded and walked back over to the door, waving a hand as he left. "Sweet dreams."

The door closed behind both of them and my eyes naturally shifted back to the mirror across the table from me. The blanket did smell clean as I held it up to my nose. I didn't really need a blanket at the moment, so I balled it up and placed it on the table to use as a pillow. I placed my head on it, facing away from the door and closed my eyes, hoping I would fall asleep quickly.

But, I didn't. My mind was racing a million miles a minute. Relaying the conversation with Lee Know over and over in my head, wondering if Seungmin and Jeongin were ok, and barely letting my mind touch the edges of the Felix and Hyunjin conversation. I couldn't process that part just yet.

I thought that cutting them out slowly at the end would help me get over leaving them, but clearly it hadn't worked. I had let them get too close and now we were all paying the price.

I shifted slightly and took a deep breath before exhaling, trying to bring my heart rate down to allow myself to sleep. Soap, citrus and a hint of mint drifted into my nose from the blanket. I focused solely on that and within a few minutes, I felt light as I drifted back to sleep.