Mirage

37

Lie.

Haeun had lied to herself.

Maybe she did not mean to lie, maybe Jihoon's words were too strong that she was not able to forget but still she had let the boy occupying every voids in her little mind.

Sitting there in the aisle between shelves in the library, she seemingly had done this a lot and no other students seemed to care or find it weird to see a girl on the floor, back against the sturdy metal bookshelves.

Or maybe Haeun did not care about other's presence.

She was too occupied in her journal, scribbling something down. Once a while, a sigh would be escaping as she look up, reading out the title of the books she could see.

A part of the deep sibling talk she had with Harin last night completely got the best of her that she could not even focus on anything at school. Her sister's words kept lingering in her mind in everything she did, in everything she saw.

"Don't do something you will regret later".

Harin probably had read her mind right? She probably knew what had consumed her little sister's small head even Haeun needed to say it aloud.

"What did I do?" she sighed, burying her face into her knees as she pulled them close to her chest.

"How could one know if you don't tell?"

A voice speaking in a low volume had Haeun perked her head up, before her gaze trailed down along with the person who now was mirroring her posture across her.

Jia chuckled upon seeing that clueless face of her best friend which absolutely questioning why she was here.

"You should've stayed home more longer, you need rest", she advised in which Haeun sighed again before continued scribbling her journal.

"I've missed a lot of classes".

"You know Sunwoo will be glad to help you out".

At the mere mention of the boy's name, Jia noticed how tense Haeun had become, even the pen she was holding nearly fall down to the ground.

"I came to a realization that I've been burdening him way too much", she shrugged, breathing out for what it seemed like a relief.

Who was Jia kidding with?

It was Kim Haeun she talked about. That girl had thousands answers to retaliate to one thing she point out. She would never win against her.

"Can I see that?" it was then, Jia beckoning with her eyes towards the book in its owner's grip, somehow intrigued to see the new content jotted down.

With a small nod, Haeun passed the book, awaiting for her friend's reaction.

Instead of being surprised, Jia's expression was more to questioning, or maybe judging. One word was written down in the middle of the blank page in red colour, which instantly could make her blind.

But, she just could not understand why Haeun choose to write that word down.

"University?" she read it out loud, looking straight at her friend who had her chin on her knees nodding. "Why though?"

Haeun then sat up straight, catching another book's title on the third row of the shelf across her.

"Do you think I'll be able to attend university?" she asked bluntly, rolling her head to find her friend's face.

"Why not?" the other girl pondered, not really understood. "You're Kim Haeun. Universities will come looking for you instead of you coming after them. You have too many choices".

That side of Jia always made Haeun overwhelm. No matter what she wanted to do, even it was a nonsense idea, Jia would always say yes, she would always assure Haeun that it was possible.

However, this one seemed would never work out.

"I hated that Jihoon is right", another sigh coming out from Haeun's lips, making her miss out the sight of the other girl flinching upon hearing that name.

"J-Jihoon? What did he say?" she inched closer to the girl, invested to know more.

"Nothing... He just reminded me that I probably won't be graduating high school", Haeun's eyes were displaying all emotions she felt as they started to be misty, puddles started brimming under the lids.

"Hey Kim Haeun", Jia's voice was stern, something Haeun never encountered before. "Sunwoo didn't know about this right? You kept it from him right?"

"I-"

"Now I think about it, Sunwoo did the right thing. In fact, I'd ask Sunwoo to beat him more", Jia expressing her anger by punching the air, her eyes widening in every move her body did.

"You're...just encouraging my boyfriend to be in a trouble...don't you?" Haeun pondered with squinted eyes as Jia blinked furiously, realizing that she indeed was right.

"What I want to tell you right now is.." Jia paused, turning her body wholly facing Haeun. A wave of emotion came crashing over her as she reached for her friend's hand, a lump started forming in her throat. "Humans are not God. No one can tell you when you'll die. No one knows".

Haeun let her head down, she found comfort through those words that were meant to heal her but still the reality keep reminding her that she should not be too comfortable.

No one know if she would end up hurting an innocent heart tomorrow.

A loner tear fell onto the carpeted ground which by all means was contagious. Jia might had held herself well, nonetheless seeing her friend in so much pain could never stop her from break down too.

It took them quite some times to calm down from the feeling of guilt to leave people behind and with the fear of being left. It did sound ridiculous, but somehow they had completed each other.

"Do you know that you're a hot topic now?" Jia suddenly sparked up a new conversation, wiping out those stains on her face whilst sniffling. She was very sure that she looked like a mess right now but who even care. "Everyone is talking about how hot Sunwoo that day and girls are talking about how lucky you are as Sunwoo's girlfriend".

"Okay, now I feel weird", Haeun's voice sound hoarse from the crying but the curiosity inside it was evident. "Is that why people keep looking at me since this morning?"

"Probably yes", her friend shrugged. "But, you have to see how cool Sunwoo was. He defended you at all costs, I would want him as a boyfriend too".

It was then Haeun hit her friend on the arm, a low groan echoed in which it was a lucky that the librarian did not catch them.

"He's my boyfriend".

"Duh! I don't want to share either", Jia rolled her eyes, already disgusted with the idea of sharing. "I'd want a person like him. A person that will stand for me. You're so lucky to have him".

Lucky.

Correct, she was the luckiest girl on earth for having someone like him.

Not only he stood up for her and protect her. He even would make sure that she would have everything she wished for in the world. 

He would make it possible.

But, what have she done for him?