Mirage

40

"The future I had in mind is only a mirage. I don't deserve even to crave for any sweetness but you do deserve all the happiness".

That was the last thing she said before she walked away.

And what had remained in Sunwoo's head right now were only the pains and unwillingness he managed to catch in every steps of her.

His heart literally was screaming to stop her from leaving, maybe yanking her hand with all the energy he had.

Maybe if he was not being too gentle with her, maybe if he was fast with his thinking, he could have saved their relationship instead of sprawling on his bed all day, staring at the plain ceiling ahead.

Every dings of notifications on his phone were dreadful. At one point Sunwoo thought maybe he could have developed panic disorder by the constant adrenaline rushing over him.

He did wish to see maybe a simple reply from Haeun amongst the hundreds texts he sent. He was sickly worried about her since they parted last night. She had been so silent, not even appeared in social medias, not even replying to any messages, let alone answering Sunwoo's call.

Sunwoo was rather thinking that Haeun was sick, not be able to respond to anyone than thinking that she was trying hard to move on.

He hated that idea.

A soft knock on his door did not break Sunwoo's stare from his phone. Whoever behind the wooden thing could access themselves inside without his help.

"Sunwoo", and he was right as Younghoon zoomed further into the room, being embraced by the sullenness. "You okay?"

"No, I'm not", he tossed his phone down, finally making eye contact with the older who was now sitting on his swivel chair. "Did you get the chance to talk to Harin noona? Is something happening to Haeun? Why she's not picking my calls up?"

The fury inside Sunwoo's eyes somehow had shattered most part of Younghoon's heart. Of course he had heard about the breakup but now only he got the courage to talk to his brother.

But, seeing him in this state was unpleasant.

"Do you really want to know the truth?" Younghoon saw how Sunwoo's eyes lit up with curiosity. He even moved closer to the edge of the bed, in order to hear well. It surely had left the older with no choice other than spilling the tea. "I was there when Haeun came back after talking with you. In a glance I could tell, she's not okay".

"And you didn't bother to call me? You could've informed me and I could've ran right away to her!" Sunwoo suddenly enraged, an attitude the older never expected to see.

"She had her sister with her, Sunwoo", the older retaliated rather stern, his eyes practically were glaring. "And you two have broken up".

Broken up.

Those words were enough to make Sunwoo's stomach churning with disgust. Those words were too strong that he felt himself start to get sick, nauseousness eventually striking up.

"No... who said we broke up?" he denied but the glassy texture in his eyes were too evident that he was making up stories. "We didn't break up."

"Sunwoo.."

"Haeun currently is confused, she's being manipulated by Jihoon and-"

"Sunwoo..."

"She just needs time. I will talk to her later and I'll make sure to beat Jihoon up for this".

"Kim Sunwoo, stop!" it was then Younghoon's yell echoed within the four walls, his brother was now unable to stop the tears welling up.

They spilled down, wetting his cheeks and there was no sign that they would stop any soon.

So Younghoon moved from the chair to the fluffy mattress, pulling Sunwoo into his arms. He was a mess, the older could tell easily. He probably had been crying himself to sleep and would be hypnotizing himself that everything was not real everytime he open his eyes.

He surely was hoping that it was only a lucid dream.

"I need her.." his muffle cry broke Younghoon even more that he could feel his eyes sweating as well. Sunwoo pulled away from the hug, looking up at the older. "We need each other. Her heart needs me to keep beating, and mine need her to keep functioning".

For the first time in forever, Younghoon saw this side of his cousin. He could feel the sincerity of his love for Haeun and the girl, she probably did not want to end this relationship either.

They were two right people meeting at the wrong time.

"You have to respect her decision", the older rubbed circle on Sunwoo's back that only made him cry more. "She knows what is the best for her".

Bitter in reality but Sunwoo must admit that his brother was right. But he could not simply accept this.

He laughed at himself. For being too cocky when Haeun tried her best to catch his attention, for being too arrogant with the love Haeun wanted to shower him and for being too harsh on her in the past.

See where he was right now. Falling hard for the girl he once pushed away, crying his heart out by the reality that the girl would be leaving him forever.

How could he adapt his days without her forever later when it barely a day since Haeun declare a breakup, and he already felt dying?

"Sunwoo..?"

The voice he heard right now a bit had made him want to throw hands. It was peaceful when he was alone at one of the tables in the nearest convenient store he could catch. But it was not now, as Jiyeon decided to appear there.

"Go.. I don't want to see you", he shooed her away, barely looking.

He feared he would be possessed with violence if they did eye contact.

"Are you okay?" of course Jiyeon would choose to disobey him as she plop down across him. She surely noticed how he was huffing in annoyance but not care to move. "Hey, you know you can tell me anything".

That was when Sunwoo glared at her. How could she offer him something that only portray herself shameless?

"This is all your fault. If you didn't show up in front of Haeun, she will be living her life peacefully. She need not to hear any hurtful comments from Jihoon and no need to overthinking things", he spat, watching Jiyeon's eyes widening in shock. "Why couldn't you just let go? You should've moved on after we broke up".

An airy scoff was then heard as Jiyeon tapped the table that had separated them. Hearing Sunwoo defend the girl that had ruined everything in her life was so annoying, she wondered if he ever did the same whilst they were dating.

"What exactly you see in her?" her angry gaze then found Sunwoo's which were far more brutal than she could ever think. "If you want to say that she's kind, I assume she just dumped you. What kindness does that portray?"

"I don't have anything to say about her", it was then, Sunwoo pushed the chair backward, the screeching sound tickling their ears. "She's too perfect that she's not deserved to be talked by you".

Angrily, the grumpy Sunwoo -Jiyeon had always seen, stormed out from the store, pulling up the hoodie to cover his head.

He was crying again this time as his feet dragging him down the sidewalk aimlessly. The sun was about to go down again and it did nothing but giving him the flashback of what had happened yesterday.

"I am the sun myself", he breathed out as he eyed the orange skies. "But I've lost my clouds".