Lies After Lies

Chapter 23.

"Let's talk about how hard it is to open up to someone about being sad for no reason."

Her voice is gentle, it was gentle like a cherry blossom flower petal falling off the tree.

I cried.

"It hurts." I said as I kept on punching my chest.

But before I could hurt myself any further, Ma'am Albrecht held my hand as she squeeze it.

"Let's talk about how hard it is to explain to your friends that you have this heavy feelings in your chest for no reason."

"I couldn't tell anyone. I was afraid. It was suffocating."

I cried harder.

"Let's talk about how scary it is to feel like the whole world is falling on your shoulders and you have no idea why."

"Thea, it was suffocating. Everytime that I would go home, it was already killing me by just opening our door."

I let out all of my frustrations by crying.

Wala na akong pake-alam kung ano yung iniisip sakin ngayon ni Ma'am Albrecht. Wala na din akong pake-alam kung ano na yung itsura ko ngayon. I just want to let all of this out.

Because it's been suffocating me. It's slowly killing me.

"Xyrhil, tell me." She softly said. "Why are you suffering?"

I took a deep breath as I stare at her hazel brown eyes. "My Mother died because of a cancer. After that, my life has become shitty."

I don't know what went wrong. One day we were all laughing as we were eating our dinner, it was our favorite dish. Niluto yon ni Mama pagka-uwi nya galing trabaho, Cj was setting up the table and Eve was happily sitting at the chair while cheering.

"Then that night she collapsed. Tinakbo namin sya sa hospital then we found out that she has stage three lung cancer." I paused for a moment before adding. "Pinilit namin na patigilin si Mama sa trabaho dahil nakikita namin na naghihirap na sya. Cj stood up and said that he will work, he was in College at that time but he stopped and started working."

Ayaw ni Mama noon na tumigil sa pag aaral si Cj dahil nga College na sya at ilang taon nalang ay magtatapos na sya pero wala naman nagawa si Mama dahil mas gusto ni Cj mag trabaho para may pampa-gamot si Mama at para na din makapag-patuloy ako sa pag aaral ko.

"It was all good not until Cj came home, drunk. We were shocked because he never drank alcohol, he hates its smell. But then, he said that someone offered him a job, babayaran daw sya ng mas malaki kesa sa sinasahod nya sa factory na pinagta-trabahuan nya."

I felt Ma'am Albrecht caress my hand as I glance at her. She was intently listening to me.

I still remember the first time that Cj came home with that amount of money, he was so happy, genuinely happy.

"I failed to notice it." I felt my tears falling down on my cheeks.

"Yes, he was genuinely happy when he came home that night with that amount of money, sabi nya ay madadala na namin si Mama sa hospital at mapapa-gamot na." I looked down. "I failed to notice that despite that smile on his lips, he was already struggling."

"I found out he was selling drugs."

I still remember that day.

The day when I found out he was selling drugs. I was worried for Cj because he wasn't eating, and he's always out on the evening. I decided to follow him, gusto kong malaman kung ano yung trabaho nya at ganun ka-laki yung pera na kinikita nya. I wanted to make sure that he wasn't doing anything dangerous that might put him in danger.